Sounds like a bad idea to me

So evidently, there was a massive explosion of teh dramas that I never even heard about. Thank you f-list, you have no idea how much that means to me. Someone linked to the Open Boob Project and their feelings about it, which means I had to look it up and find out about it.

Seems to be two major schools of thought on this. There is “Yea, getting over sexual foibles” and then there are people who are of the “Wow, what a lame excuse for the total objectification of women” sort of school. I can sort of understand both, but I sympathize with the later group a little more.

I think partly it’s because I can already see that some women have had rape anxiety over just reading about the idea. It’s supposed to be an opt in situation (you wear a green button that says “Yes, you may.” And there is a red button saying “no, you can’t” or something like that) but that seems like a weak protection if you’ve got something green on already and people are assuming what it is without actually reading. If someone didn’t see the red button, or mistook another green button for the yes you may, it could become a problem. Having a hundred sweaty people (people are ALWAYS sweaty at cons) come up and ask if they can grab a part of your anatomy would certainly feel like a serious harassment. It might cause a person never to come to cons again because they fear they’re about to be gang raped or something. Some people would react really, REALLY badly to that sort of thing.

I like the idea of people having a more relaxed view towards meeting each other, and a more relaxed view towards their physical selves. So long as everyone knows the rules, and respects the rules, then no problem. Adults, being adults, can do what they like more or less. The problem is when someone doesn’t know the rules, only knows some of the rules, or is in a state where they don’t worry about the rules. Since I’ve had to take more than a few young men to a quiet corner and explain the difference between social flirting and serious come on, I’ve seen the situation a few times before.

People’s comfort levels, particularly women’s comfort levels, become very fluid at a con. Some people become far more comfortable with in the confines of the con than they would outside. They can become less guarded (for lack of a better term at the moment) and more open and gregarious than perhaps they would be out in the wild. That’s what the con is for. It’s a chance to let your hair down and go loose and enjoy yourself. It’s also a place to try new things and explore your own self a bit. The problem is that each person has a very different level of comfort, and since they are exploring, sometimes people are right out on the edge of what they want to do. Also, someone may be more open and adventurous with one group of friends (or time of year, whatever) than they will with another. That’s a problem because it can be hard sometimes for another person to judge where someone’s level of comfort is hovering at the moment, and then when you throw in the fact that people have different levels with one person than they do another it can get a little confusing at times.

Mistakes can happen, and while sometimes it’s a mild rebuke, on unfortunate occasions people can get hurt. On very unfortunate occasions, people can get hurt and then the people what did the hurting can then later get hurt quite spectacularly by six or seven burly men in the parking lot. That kind of ruins the fun for everybody.

That’s not my real problem here though. Okay, it is, but that’s not what I find bothering me. What I find bothering me is the level of immaturity and social sadness that is inexplicably attached.

As a fully grown male, I honestly find it a little annoying to hear other fully grown makes wandering around saying things like “WOW! You have a spectacular rack, may I stare/touch/fondle/tell my friends?” It makes me look at the guys who say it with sadness and sympathy. It’s like they’re still sad that they never got to feel up Suzy Jenkins in their sophomore year and are hoping for a bit of charity now.

Oh yeah, that whole thing, with people asking to touch breasts? Not new! This isn’t some magical innovation. The only new thing that I see is now they want to label the women who will let them cop a cheap feel instead of having to get to know them for 5 fucking minutes like we always did in the old days. All you have to do is find your Suzy Jenkins, get to know her for three minutes, and then politely broach the subject. Seriously, it’s not like it takes that long to figure out if casual petting would be allowed or not. Buttons? Buttons? We don’t need no stinkin’ buttons!

I actually applaud the women who let them touch their breasts, because clearly these guys haven’t touched many. Me? I’ve had my time with Suzy Jenkins* and I can touch boobies when ever I want to. I suppose if I hadn’t known the caress of a woman it would have more novelty for me. Yes, that is a direct dig at these kinds of guys. Yes, they have always disgusted and annoyed me. And finally, yes, I’ve known a good number of them and while a good half of them are nice friendly guys, the other half are bitter assholes who you always want to keep and eye on and never let be alone in a room with a woman. These guys are fucking creepy!
*In case you’ve never noticed it’s always Suzy Jenkins. Whenever I need a name, I always pick Suzy Jenkins.

And what if a woman gives assent to some and not to others? With these bitter assholes running around? The woman in question will get harassed and harangued because she let one person touch and not them. Don’t believe me? Then I’m afraid you are far too naïve for this world my darling. I’ve seen them get mad because a girl doesn’t want to hug them and have to be told off by several people to get them to stop following said girl around asking why not them? Don’t pretend like it wouldn’t happen when it’s something like this.

Also, phrases like Touch the magic, my friends. Touch the magic. give me gas frankly. That’s objectification right there! Like women’s meat melons are some magic healing flesh orbs and touching them will result in sprays of life giving milk that will heal the world and get Obama in the white house. Sorry, but sweater kittens just don’t have that kind of power. They’re not magic, they’re just delightful. I’m all for random, friendly groping, but when you try and turn it into a movement… yeah the answer is no. It just all strikes me as sad really. Are people that badly in need of validation? I certainly hope not. It would bother me if they were.

Doesn’t that remove some of the intimacy of actually getting to be with a woman? Touching a breast, buttocks, or places even more sensitive always struck me as something important, something big, something grand. Even kissing someone is a big deal, and to should be! If you got to touch everyone’s tits without even trying that would frankly be a fucking shame! If getting to touch a woman intimately ever gets to be routine for me, I will have to end it all right there and then.

Frankly, I would have to really like you to let you touch my girlfriend’s boob and not cut your hand off. You having her permission is neither here nor there if you don’t have mine as well. As a poly person, this one is sort of important to me. We’re not swingers, it’s not just a big orgy, you can’t just have a fling with my girlfriend because you want to. That isn’t to say I won’t give permission, but if I find someone just randomly fondling my girlfriend we are going to have a serious talk that will being with them saying “Please stop hitting me.”

Finally, there is something distasteful about the level of objectification going on here. Since the focus is wholly and totally on breasts, you can’t claim that you aren’t engaging in objectification. You are making an object out of part of a woman, and that just makes me what to smack your head on the pavement until all the goo comes out. Sorry, but when you start picking out body parts, you start to ignore the woman as a person, when you ignore the woman as a person, you don’t take their feelings into account, and then you become dangerous and I have to kill you. Sorry, some of us have dealt with sexual abusers in the past and can see the early warning signs.

If everybody is into it, I guess it’s fine, consenting adults doing their thing is groovy. However, this isn’t an in-room nudie party we’re talking about. It’s taking it out into the world where you rub up against people who could be seriously put off, to the point of feeling threatened, and the people who maybe feel a little overly protective of them. You’ve got to be very careful about that, even when you’re at a con.

I think there are five major things that bother me here.

1. It could really easily set off a person’s sexual attack alarm.

2. The far too easily opens the door for creepy stalkers or people who don’t get the rules. (Maybe I should say that there is too much potential for creepiness?)

3. The objectification levels are distasteful.

4. It makes being allowed beyond the lace gate that much less of a treat and thus removes the only thing that makes life worth living beyond kitties and waffles.

5. You could loose a finger that way if you don’t get everyone’s approval.

It’s pretty clear that the people who came up with this were in a safe location with safe people when the idea arrived. There is an innocent and fun aspect to this, but it could get real ugly, real quick. When the idea goes out into the wild, there will be tears, there will be hurt, there will (eventually) be blood.

I’m actually sort of sorry that I see all the negative sides, but then I’ve always been the one who sticks around and helps brush hair and wipe tears and use the “Calm Soothing Voice®” and do all the other things that have to be done when things that are perfect and can’t possibly go wrong hit an iceberg.

Experience has made me sadly cynical about things like this.