Owwie

I have sneezed myself into a headache again.

And the shock of all those sneezes has brought on a pain down my right arm that has the local White Mage Union (Local #432) claiming that shit ain’t in their contract.

Must be spring.

yippie

Someone cute, sweet or at least attentive come and administer relief/loving attention please!

Someone?

Anyone?

Well fuck, I guess I’ll go to bed then and see if I can’t sleep and sneeze at the same time.

Why is it funny then?

I have no idea why, but there are some jokes I don’t find funny. That’s not the odd bit. The odd bit is that if you were to simply interject the punch line, I’ll laugh almost every time. I’ll give you an example…

Little Johnnie’s teacher asked him how his weekend was.
“Horribly, a car hit my dog in the ass,” he said.
She said, “Rectum.”
“Wrecked him?” Johnnie said. “Damn near killed him!”

Normally the joke is played out a bit longer, sometimes it’s a scatological joke. The thing is that it’s just not funny to me like that. It seems like it’s trying to hard to get to that punch line. However, if you walk up to me and say “And then he says ‘Wrecked ‘im? Damn near killed ‘im!’” I will laugh just about every time. I’ve tried this on other people, walking into a room, announcing my line and leaving. Always gets a laugh.

Another example
And then the doctor says, “If this is my thermometer, where’s my pen?”

See? You don’t even need to know the rest of the joke, you know comedy when you hear it.

And yet, if you were to try to tell me the whole joke, I’d sigh and grin out of basic politeness, but I’d feel dead inside. Although to be honest, that’s normally just because most folk tell jokes so badly. It’s worse when it’s a good joke too, because a joke told badly won’t just make you feel dead inside, it’ll make you feel like Hell can hold no horrors for you because you’ve been through this. Well, they make me feel that way anyhow.

EDIT: Why yes, I did write this about three days ago and finding it wasn’t ever really going to go anywhere just decided to post it. How ever did you guess?

I wonder

How different would the world be if John Woo directed Duck Soup?

Photos

I figured I would repot some stuff today. Everyone needs to see a few pictures and I can’t think of anything to write at the moment.

Things we’ll need

1. A bigger boat.

2. Some more F.B.I. guys.

3. Some big, big fucking guns.

4. More paramedics.

5. Another army.

Bonus: Someone who knows what the hell I’m talking about.

DO! NOT! WANT!

I demand an explanation for this bullshit!

House stuff

I’m going to do another full house shoot soon, but for the moment here are a few little shots of how we’ve got the house arranged.

5 Romantic Comedies I’ll Actually Watch and Might Enjoy

I’ve decided to be dogmatic about the definition of a Romantic Comedy in that it has to be a comedic film in which the romance is the central story. No claiming that just because it’s a comedy and there is a romance that it must count. If I did that, I could name Five Marx Brothers’ movies and knock off for lunch right now.

NO!

They must be actual Romantic Comedies. So let’s see how my list would work out in reverse order…

5. Lady and the Tramp
I’ll admit right now, after deciding on a number, I found myself at a loss to fill all the slots. One of the chief problems of course being that often Romantic Comedies are neither. Not funny, the relationships feel forced in that “Pretty Male Lead + Pretty Female Lead = Bed Bouncing” sort of way. So instead I opted for padding and chose a Disney movie. That should tell you how hard it was for me to come up with 5 of these things. There will be more padding later.
Get IT here

4. When Harry Met Sally…
Seems strange now, to think that this movie didn’t exist at some point. It is the launch pad for pretty much every Romantic Comedy for the next ten years or so. They all used the old standards, all turned the movies into Seinfeld like “Men are like this, but women are like this” observations. It’s still a good movie, but it gets dropped to the 4 slot because it spawned many ugly children and I blame it for them.
Get IT here

3. Better Than Chocolate
This Canadian Lesbian Romantic Comedy from 1999 (*whew* I am done giving this movie categories now) is far from perfect but it is charming and fun. At 91 minutes it also manages not to be long enough to wear out its welcome. If I have a complaint it’s that there are one two many storylines and that not all the stories are given equal treatment. Frankly, once again the bisexuals get shunted to one side to make way for the officially and fully gay. It’s a shame because according to the commentary there were scenes that would have fleshed out the bi character but they were dumped because they needed to trim for time. Why they didn’t trim the lip-sync dance numbers instead will remain a mystery to me forever, but whatever. It’s not the Seven Samurai of lesbian comedies, but it’s cute and funny and worth at least one viewing.
Get IT here

2. A Fish Called Wanda
It’s almost a heist flick, almost a sex comedy, almost a crime picture, but I choose it for this list so it’s a Romantic Comedy sez I! I said there would be more padding! Actually, the romance works in this movie in my view. It’s also genuinely funny in its own right. Not much of this movie creaks with age, it remains a funny and intelligent movie. Besides, every once in a while you need to include a movie where a stuttering animal lover fails to kill an old woman but can manage to whack her dogs in a list of Romantic Comedies. I am a very sick man.
Get IT here

1. My Man Godfrey
Because it’s the best of the bunch, that’s why! This is one of my favorite comedies hands down, without classification. The story of a tramp being taken in by a socialite and turned into a butler only to be more than he seems may be more than a little silly, but it works. Actually, since we’re close to having wide spread Hoovervilles again, it might just be worth a look now too. This is a good example of the screwball comedy, which people still try to make now but can’t seem to really get a handle on. Probably because they don’t have Carol Lombard anymore, who was a serious hottie back when it meant something. Actually they also had William Powell who was no slouch himself.
Get IT here

YO!

New Swords, Part two

For size comparison, there is one of my massive mitts.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, here are some shots I already posted.