Thought

If I got one of these and one of these, I could strap them to my back and be a Yuletide Ninja! Or I could get this and this and be the same, but on a budget and a little more personal.

The point is, red and green weapons that I could use to stab bitches who play fucking Sleigh Ride on November the 7th.

The big black hatchet I used was effective, but far from making that festive point.

The point being,
Save it for after Thanksgiving or I’ll split your head open.

Actually, don’t play Sleigh Ride at all because I hate that song.

Nice things

One of the nice things about VEWPRF is that people will buy you neat things that you’d never buy yourself. Not because they’re too expensive or because they’re impractical, but because they’re dumb. Give you an example.

Syd’s brother got The Marvel Encyclopedia and brought it over to show us. And I was thinking, “Gosh, that’s neat.” while also thinking, “You do know about Wikipedia, right?” And while he probably does know that the Marvel Database exists, or at least he can find the wiki articles, that doesn’t stop the book from being really cool. It’s one thing to be able to look up a six page article on one of the less well known X-Force members, it’s another to be able to flip through a book and read over a who’s who of Marvel lore.

I didn’t actually get anything like that because I totally NEEDED a Konjo knife. Needed. Not wanted but wouldn’t buy myself. It was a requirement for the continuation of life on this planet and it’s just as cool as I hoped it would be. I also needed a switchblade, an HTF Recon knife (which is a lot bigger and chunkier than it looks in the photo), a samurai movie, some Stephen King movies, Red Vs Blue Box set, Terry Jones’ Medieval Lives, Halo 2, um… sure there were a few other things. OH, Some toys and candy and stuff. New edition of Scene It, that’s cool. See? All needed things, that are important to life.

The knives especially, but it’s all important stuff.

One Last Thing

For all the people who do like it, do like things shoved down their throats NO! NO! I will not just cut and paste, it just looks… wrong! I can make cheap sex jokes later.

I’ll start again… BUM! Oh what a give away!

For all the people who do like it, like celebrating, who are of the religion/cultural background that do celebrate it, I would just like to say…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Now you all know who’s side I’m on.

Bah! Humbug!

For all the people who don’t like it, don’t like things shoved down their throats, don’t like people assuming they’ve been assimilated, don’t like being rolled over by other people’s religion/culture… I would just like to say…

FUCK CHRISTMAS!

Now you all know who’s side I’m on.

And a happy new year

You know what pisses me off?

SHUT UP! Don’t you start listing things yet! It was just an introductory sentence! Don’t you sass me.

What pisses me off when some ignorant fuck claims that saying “Happy Holidays” is stupid and doesn’t carry the weight or have the same value that “Merry Christmas” does and thus people should stop using it. One assumes they say this because being inclusive sucks and besides Christianity is the only REAL religion anyway so you should all just do what they say because it’ll be easier that way. Yeah, once again I’m going after the use of Christmas as a cultural cudgel thing. C’mon! It’s December! It’s a VEWPRF tradition. You didn’t think I was going to go the whole year without going to town on them at least once did you? Think of how disappointed the children would be if I didn’t. Their big eyes, weeping, like a dark haired youth who didn’t get Optimus Prime from Santa despite being a good boy all year.

Anyway, back to people who try to tell me I mean “Merry Christmas” on the few occasions I can get my head above wanting to kill everyone around me and say “Happy Holidays” to another human. This is more of a conceptual complaint, fueled by ignorant people on the internet than a literal ‘this happened to me’ experience because the last time I bothered to actually wish a stranger well was in 1997 and it didn’t end well. Frankly, I still claim he shouldn’t have said “Don’t you mean Merry Christmas” in that tone and that what happened to him is between him, his God and those delightful natives who claimed he pulled a knife on me and I had to do it.

I’m sure these people have nothing against Jews, Muslims, Pagans or Atheist… BUT* they are bringing the whole party down by just existing. Also, fuck them for insisting what I should or shouldn’t say. Telling me to say Merry Christmas (as evidenced by this post) will only earn you a great big “Fuck you and I hope you die in a fire asshole.” There is also an unspoken complaint here, these douche suckers are claiming someone has forced them to stop saying Merry Christmas and is making then, at gunpoint, say Happy Holidays. They rarely come out and say it like that these days, because people like me now have a habit of saying “If the words ‘War on Christmas’ escape your lips I swear I will kill you in ways that will force both science and the law to come up with new terms to express my cruelty.” They do like to insinuate though, and they come off as assholes every time. Someone in the majority trying to get the people in the minority to conform and quit causing trouble is just another asshole anyway.

I don’t mind people saying “Merry Christmas” to me, no really, I don’t. Seriously! I only mind whenever someone insists that I need to say or not say something. And I get really pissed when someone acts like the whole nation said Merry Christmas before 1978 when this whole “Happy Holidays” thing was invented. Here is the thing, Happy Holidays is older than you. It’s older than me, it’s older than any of us, unless you were born in a year that starts with 18. The first Christmas Card that was printed with the slogan “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings” were printed when Victoria was still the Queen of England. Anyone bitching about the phrase like it’s something new is someone who is ignorant, pure and simple. Either that, or they’re liars. I’m going for they’re all a pack of fucking liars, because they are.

Also, fuck these bitches for claiming that only “Merry Christmas” gives the impression that the speaker is more interested in the brotherhood of man than other phrases spoken by other people. Any semi-positive phrase can work that magic if spoken correctly. That’s the awesome thing about spoken language. Inflection and speed add so much to the words that come off cold and dispassionate on paper. I could make “Your new haircut looks nice” sound like a marriage proposal given the right context tone and energy. Claiming that only these two specific words can do the work proves that they are liars and just wants to push forward their stupid, tiny minded agenda. I suppose it could also be that they’re just plain unlearned in the use of words, but I find you can’t go wrong when you claim these culture warriors are being intellectually dishonest. It’s sort of like asking where bears defecate and the religious preferences of the Pope.

People like this like to claim that no one would get angry is someone said Happy Hanukkah or anything except of course for the fact that people did, last year. 10 people arrested for beating up some Jews for not wishing them the culturally dominate holiday’s greetings. An isolated incident? Perhaps, but it shows that anyone who says you won’t get beat for not saying “Merry Christmas” are clearly liars. And as we know, lies make the Baby Jesus cry.

Making the Baby Jesus cry… on his pretend birthday. How can these fuckers live with themselves? Of course badly tuned pianos, Mothra, new shoes and bacon are known to make the Baby Jesus cry, because the Baby Jesus has fucking colic. Also, Jesus was born in June. You fucking people ripped off the feast of Mithras in order to get Romanized Pagans to sign on. So get over yourselves. The trees, wreathes, candles, bells, sex in the street, big meal, presents and virgin birth are all stolen from filthy fucking pagans who stank of patchouli and sang folk songs so stop acting like you invented something.

Believe me though, I sympathize with the Baby Jesus crying his head off. I know the feeling of wanting to vent unapproved feelings every five minutes like the little Baby J. It’s only the ludicrously pinko liberal laws we have in this country that stop me from grabbing a Tire Thumper and claiming that everyone in the whole world is a tire to prevent voiding the warranty. And believe you me, Santa is going to get it first. Santa is a fucker. I’m going to get Santa, then behead him, then tie the head to the bow of my ship just like Robert Maynard. That will be the most hard core VEWPRF for like EVER! Motherfucker would know that I was serious about that Optimus Prime figure after that! All those milk and cookies have made him soft, he’s gonna be a push over. I’ve watched Home Alone 37 time already, I’ve got my traps laid. The Fat Man is going DOWN!

Where was I? I seem to have lost my train of thought…

Oh yeah! When you simply walk up and assume that the phrase “Merry Christmas” meant well, with genuine spirit of the season behind it is going to be met with similar feeling then it will be. At least with me and pretty much all the people I know. I can tell when someone is wishing me well and when they’re being a dick. Saying “Happy Holidays” in the same vein will also gain a likewise response. Even wishing me a “Blessed Yule” will get a smile and a same to you sort of response. Again, the awesome thing about spoken language! You can vary how you say things and make the same sentence carry different meanings. If you say it right, you’ll get the right response.

It’s this insistence that one phrase is more important than another that annoys me. It’s the idea that those of us who aren’t Christian are somehow preventing all those poor widdle Christians from saying the word Christmas. It’s the lies that offend me most, that and the fact that I never did get that Optimus Prime figure. Even when I did get one, years later, it was broken in the box and when I returned it there were no more so I STILL don’t have one.

Honestly, I can’t wait for all these idiots to be eaten by their own children or struck by lightning fired from a vengeful (or possibly just bored) feeling Zeus, or buried alive by the decent Christians who think these assholes are making all Christians look bad. It would be nice if people could just say “Merry Christmas” without worrying that someone is going to think they’re another bible thumping asshole who wants to force people to assimilate to their ways. It would take a load off my mind if we could just have Christmas back without all the dickheads insisting that it must be celebrated the way they say and it must be shoved down everyone’s throat whether they like it or not.

Most the Christians I have met in life (say 89%) fit into the group that I like to call “Decent fucking people” and it saddens me to see them worrying that any expression of their faith is going to lump them in with a bunch of semen garglers who just can’t just relax and let things be groovy. It really makes me angry that these people have caused my father, who really loved Christmas even more than I used to, say “Fuck Christmas. Those assholes ramming it down everyone’s throat made it not fun anymore.” You can’t begin to understand how angry hearing him say those words made me. Or maybe you can, some of you know me fairly well by now. Also, I have just spent roughly 1,600 words saying so.

Anyway, my point is…
Lies! They make the Baby Jesus cry.

And…
While this one I bought a couple of years ago and had to return because it was broken is now way out of anyone’s price range… I still sort of want an Optimus Prime figure**.

*As we all know when someone says “I don’t mind (group) BUT…” then something bigoted is going to come out of their mouths.
**Only sort of really. It’s just my version of the Red Ryder 200 shot range model air rifle, except I didn’t get it. I got other stuff, and I moved on with my life.

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Invasion Force

These photos and the post were first presented in 2006 over in my LiveJournal. I was sorting some things out and found the post…

I don’t know if this is going anywhere else in the world or just the USA, heck maybe it’s just Michigan, but we are being invaded. Either its aliens, or mutants or something!

There are these beasts that have invaded our fair state, giant glowing things that look like bio-luminescent amoebas or some kind of coral that came ashore, found it liked it up here and grew massive as a result. Personally, I think its aliens. Some have said it might be evolution in action, or possibly something from the darker dimensions. So either Aliens, the next form of life, or Cthulu…

Anyway, I took pictures, so you can see them…

I started at a distance…

I’m not sure if Bike USA is really the sort of place on starts an invasion though.

The next one down the road.

I walked further and was suddenly confronted by this…

I haven’t worked out if the different colors are just race, or if maybe the green one (who was being a bit of a flirt) is a female or something like that.

The red one was being a bit aggressive, I kept my distance.

The Green one kept giving me the eye though, at least I think it was an eye.

They seem to be white when they are young though. This one had very short tentacles.

This Pink one was observed getting into its car.

As you can see, Birmingham Michigan has been totally taken over by these things.

Here was a multi colored one who had caught a white one and seemed to be eating it. I wonder if the multiple colors are some sort of excited response like we see in cuttle fish?

They hang their young up in fir trees

A group of Young Ones, these four soon started calling each other “Bastard” a lot and they had wacky adventures.

Lest you think these are just lights on trees, let me show you what lights on a tree looks like.

I was able to get quite close to this younger male, it seemed interested in why I was there but might have wanted to eat my face.

This one ate a Buick, picked it right off the road and ate it.

These two were thrashing about, but as there were no children about it did no good.

So there you go, we’ve been invaded by monsters of some sort. I think the Pillar of Cheese in the Shape of Jane Austen is up to its old tricks again. I think it’s using these… things as an invasion force to destroy VEWPRF forever. If you see zombies soon, you’ll know we’re in for trouble. (Of course trying to judge who is a zombie and who is just a normal Buddha Day shopper is tough, particularly at the mall, which is recognized as the best place to hold off zombies)

Later I’ll post some great big and semi-artsy pictures suitable for making into wallpapers.

PS – The big versions of these shots as well as the nice artsy wallpapers can be found here.

Yar! It’s drivin’ me nuts.

ARGH!

He has a chain, but no watch. She has a brush, but no hair. I still don’t see why this is supposed to be a nice story. Okay, they love each other, but they can’t return the chain or the brush and at least get his watch back? Doesn’t that story end in suicide anyway? Doesn’t the watch turn out to have just been paste and she worked her whole life to pay off the debt for nothing? Also… watch for my spoilers, why is it supposed to be sweet that the little girl freezes to death in the snow? What the fuck is wrong with society? Go get someone to take care of her! Fucking people. Leaving a poor little girl to freeze to death.

Even the Weapons are festive