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Don’t Mention the War

Let me tell you the truth about World War Two, which will shock and astonish you. Now after Pearl Harbor, we turned around and attacked Germany. Many people draw Iraq parallels here, but that’s improper. If you wanted an analog of that situation, you would have to have us attack Taiwan or some other nation where the people looked sort of like the folks what attacked us but didn’t have the military might to defeat us. Instead we attacked what was at that time, the most militarized country in the world.


America is, and always has been a deeply racist country. Many Americans are very proud of that fact, and only try to hide it when company comes over. Americans don’t like anyone being better than us at anything, unless it’s some wimpy liberal thing like health care, education, public works, or keeping drugs out of the tap water. However, if it’s something cool like killing people, or hating people for being even slightly different than us, then the American people are all over that like the current president on a line of cocaine.

We heard about what the Nazis were up to with their camps and we got jealous. We were told all about it, and it made the blood of the American people boil with rage. Frankly, we were about to have some foreign power out shine us in the realms of anti-Semitism. That wasn’t how we phrased it of course, were said it a little closer to “Ain’t no damn ferrener gonna be no better at Jew-hatin than us. Cletus, git yer shotgun!” “I’m pretty sure the Army has rifles Joe Bob.” “I said! Git! Yer! Shotgun!” “Yes, Joe Bob.”

We briefly thought about our own death camps, and promptly shoved a lot of Japanese into those camps for the grave crime of being Japanese. We probably would have gone to the lengths of gassing them, but someone muttered ‘But what will the neighbors think?’ and that caused us to look at Canada. And you know, the Canadians wouldn’t have said anything, but we’d know they were judging us. They’d be real polite to our faces, but we’d know that they were rolling their eyes when our back was turned. But then, what can you do with the Canadians anyway? What can you do with a people who would rather smoke pot and play hockey than rape a country and earn the enmity of the entire planet. Some people! I tells ya!

Instead we kept up the anti-Semitic remarks, stopped black men from working in as many important war plants as we could, and of course locked up the Japanese “for having them eyes. You know? Freak me out with those eyes of theirs.” There is a pretty clear and evident racist history in the country at the time, which is why we were so ready to fight the Germans, but didn’t actually do anything to stop them. See, when you know how incredibly racist America was, it all makes sense.

I’m not actually proud of that, but trying to sweep it under the rug doesn’t help anything. Trying to act like Stepin Fetchit (who was enormously popular at the time by the way) didn’t exist is almost as bad as being the white, racist crowds that laughed uproariously at his routines. If we don’t examine and explore these facets of our national history, we will never get over them. We just have to view them in the proper context, i.e. that Americans were, and greatly still are a bunch of stupid bigots who live in quacking fear of a black planet. (I mistyped that, but decided I like the idea of quacking with fear better than simply quaking) We’re going to have to confront this at some point, and come to grips with the fact that some people are always going to be different, often through no fault of their own beyond clearly choosing not to be born as an upper class white kid.

March 25, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment