I'll come up with something in a minute.

5 Things

1. Here is a list of movies I’ve seen, but not reviewed for in the last two weeks. I’ll even do it as close to in order as I can remember. Donnie Brasco, Scarface (remake), Carlito’s Way, Spaced: Skip to the End, Fantastic Planet, Scarface (original), The Roaring Twenties, Little Ceaser.

2. You’ll notice Beowulf isn’t on that list. I only got about 10 minutes in and then had to stop. I don’t know how the animation looked on the big screen, but on my screen it looked like deep fried shit with a side of hate. The individual elements were okay (actually, some of those were crap too) but nothing meshed. When you tried getting the hair, and the coat to work with the waxy, plastic skin, it just fell down on its face. The idea of Hrothgar being Mrs. Grendel’s Baby Daddy is too retarded to even get angry about. I will point out that by this point the whole “But aren’t the real monsters… us?” thing is really old and clichéd by now. Try something that hasn’t been done for every monster movie since the 30’s you hacks! The fact that a totally naked Mrs. Grendel still managed to have spikes on her feet to simulate stiletto heels though (I skipped around to see if the animation was crap all over), that was stupid to the point of being offensive. Switched off the movie and looked at the making of stuff just long enough for Robert Zemeckis to tell us that he hates Beowulf, which explains why he took a big crap on it. I mean seriously, where does the guy who made Forest Gump get off complaining about one dimensional characters anyway? Particularly considering that has endured for 1500+ years? There was also time for Neil Gaiman to say that while the monks who transcribed the story probably changed it around to fit their views, he decided to use words only a Christian monk would know to twist the tale around. How he thought having Hrothgar being Grendel’s daddy was a good idea and how having Beowulf being the dragon’s sire was going to work is beyond me. But, hey, I didn’t even watch the whole thing because I couldn’t stand looking at the sub-Shrek, not even good enough for the cut scene in a really bad Final Fantasy rip-off animation for more than five minutes. Maybe it got really really good, but I doubt it. The animation was shit the whole way through, I made sure of that. My break up with Hollywood remains in tact, since it decided to insult me when I gave it a small chance to be polite.

3. I always loose it at the end of this video…

WordPress doesn’t like the embed code, so here is a link
This is the video in question.

I know, I should be more grown up than that, but I still giggle into spasms it every time.

4. There are probably a million cracks in the walls here. The new tenet next door smokes and the reek of her cigarettes is getting into our place. Like, a lot. Upstairs, down stairs, basement… it’s everywhere and it’s killing me! Eye wateringly, throat closingly, I can’t go into the kitchen because of the smell. It’s that bad. Because it gets everywhere, and it’s only really prevalent at certain times, it’s clear that there are billions of wall cracks and the smoke is getting through there. I want to call the realtor and ask when she thinks our new landlord might have the new place ready, but we have to give patching the holes a try first. I’m probably just being impatient.

5. I’m feeling cranky and feverish today. I was cranky and feverish yesterday and Saturday too, but today it’s being harder to cover up. Tired too. Like dizzy, no good at decision making tired. Bleh.

March 31, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment