I'll come up with something in a minute.

I doubt the veracity of their claims!

Another sight full of “insert your name and I’ll tell you all about yourself” another fistful of snark from me as a result

My comments are in italics.

You entered: Brett Nathan Lashuay
There are 18 letters in your name.
Those 18 letters total to 66
There are 6 vowels and 12 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:
French Female Brit. A native of England: (Britain) or France: (Brittany). In literature Lady Brett Ashley was the heroine in Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises.
English Male A native of Brittany: (France) or Britain: (England). Derived from the surname Breton or Briton, Brett and Bret became popular first names after 19th-century US writer Bret Harte. Brett became very popular in Australia in the mid-20th century.
English Female Brit. A native of England: (Britain) or France: (Brittany). In literature Lady Brett Ashley was the heroine in Hemingway’s ‘The Sun Also Rises’.
Celtic Male A Breton.

Okay, so far so good. However, my first name and its meaning can be found in ANY baby book.

Your number is: 3

The characteristics of #3 are: Expression, verbalization, socialization, the arts, the joy of living.

The expression or destiny for #3:
An Expression of 3 produces a quest for destiny with words along a variety of lines that may include writing, speaking, singing, acting or teaching; our entertainers, writers, litigators, teachers, salesmen, and composers. You also have the destiny to sell yourself or sell just about any product that comes along. You are imaginative in your presentation, and you may have creative talents in the arts, although these are more likely to be latent. You are an optimistic person that seems ever enthusiastic about life and living. You are friendly, loving and social, and people like you because you are charming and such a good conversationalist. Your ability to communicate may often inspire others. It is your role in life to inspire and motivate; to raise the spirits of those around you.

The negative side of number 3 Expression is superficiality. You may tend to scatter your forces and simply be too easygoing. It is advisable for the negative 3 to avoid dwelling on trivial matters, especially gossip.

As anyone who has tried to get me to send my writing or other work to any company of any kind can attest, I’m really terrible about selling myself. And I doubt someone who honestly believes that if there are gods, they only created us so they could put a galactic magnifying glass over us could be called optimistic. And as for enthusiasm… I can’t be bothered to finish this sentence.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3
What the fuck is a “Soul Urge” number? What kind of gibberish is that?

A Soul Urge number of 3 means:
With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.
Are they talking about someone else here? Is there another Brett Nathan Lashuay wondering why he got “You sure are a cranky mother fucker” as his result?

You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.
Um… yeah I doubt it.

The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.

On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn’t appreciate having these pointed out.
Too optimistic? Seriously!

Your Inner Dream number is: 9

An Inner Dream number of 9 means:
You dream of being creative, intellectual, and universal; the selfless humanitarian. You understand the needy and what to help them. You would love to be a person people count on for support and advice.

I honestly don’t know what the fuck their talking about here.

Let’s try again leaving out the middle name…

You entered: Brett Lashuay

There are 12 letters in your name.
Those 12 letters total to 44
There are 4 vowels and 8 consonants in your name.

What your first name means:
French Female Brit. A native of England: (Britain) or France: (Brittany). In literature Lady Brett Ashley was the heroine in Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises.
English Male A native of Brittany: (France) or Britain: (England). Derived from the surname Breton or Briton, Brett and Bret became popular first names after 19th-century US writer Bret Harte. Brett became very popular in Australia in the mid-20th century.
English Female Brit. A native of England: (Britain) or France: (Brittany). In literature Lady Brett Ashley was the heroine in Hemingway’s ‘The Sun Also Rises’.
Celtic Male A Breton.

Your number is: 8

The characteristics of #8 are: Practical endeavors, status oriented, power-seeking, high-material goals.
So… I’ve gone from an artsy fartsy flower child to Cobra Commander. Just by removing my middle name. NEAT!

The expression or destiny for #8:
Your Expression is represented by the number 8. The 8 Expression is well-equipped in a managerial sense. You have outstanding organizational and administrative capabilities. You have the potential for considerable achievement in business or other powerful positions. You can expect to receive the financial and material rewards. You have the skill and abilities to establish or operate a business with great efficiency. You have good judgment when it comes to money and commercial matters, and you understand how to build and accumulate material wealth. Much of your success (or lack of it) may come due to your ability (or inability) to judge character. With the number 8 Expression, you exercise sound judgment in most of your affairs; you are realistic and practical in your approach to business matters.
Yeah… no

The positive 8 Expression produces individuals that are very ambitious and goal-oriented. If the 8 energy is not in excess in your makeup, you will no doubt express these traits to some extent. No one has any more energy that a person with the 8 Expression who has a plan laid and is starting to work. No one has any more self-confidence, either. If you are expressing the positive qualities of 8, you are an outstanding manager because you can plan, initiate, and complete projects; you are very dependable and determined.
And as A Leo I’m also quite the leader!

As it always happens, there can be too much of a good thing. If you have too much of the 8 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes. A negative 8 can be very rigid and stubborn. Ambition sometimes has a way of becoming over-ambition, and you may express an unreasonable impatience with the lack of progress. If your negative side is showing, you may be too exacting, both of yourself and of others. Sometimes this can even becomes a case of intolerance.

The number 8 is very materialistic and also very desirous of status and power. Neither of these drives are inherently negative unless they are taken to an extreme. You must avoid the tendency to strain after money, material matters, status, or power, to the detriment of the other important factors in your life.
Status and power don’t really hold a lot of interest for me. No really, I just want enough power to run my computer, and enough status to rule the world and keep all of mankind under my thumb.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1
Still not clear on what a “Soul Urge” number is.

A Soul Urge number of 1 means:
Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.
You notice they tell me three times there that I have a Soul Urge number of 1 but never what a Soul Urge number actually is?

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren’t strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7
Well, at least we changed the dream number. Still don’t know what the hell it’s supposed to mean.

An Inner Dream number of 7 means:
You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.
At this point, I’m beginning to doubt their madskilz at telling me all about myself.

OOOO, and I can find out about myself through my birthday!

15 August 1976

Your date of conception was on or about 23 November 1975 which was a Sunday.

You were born on a Sunday
under the astrological sign Leo.
Your Life path number is 1.
I can’t be bothered to read all the gibberish in the linked page, so I don’t know what a “Life Path” number is.

Your fortune cookie reads:
As the purse is emptied the heart is filled.

Life Path Compatibility:
You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 5 & 7.
You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 3 & 9.
You may or may not get along well with those with the Life Path number 8.
You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 2, 4, 6, 11 & 22.
Oh crap! I better go find out what those numbers mean, otherwise I might be friends with people who have the wrong numbers!

The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2443005.5.
The golden number for 1976 is 1.
The epact number for 1976 is -1.
The year 1976 was a leap year.

Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/31/1976 and ending 2/17/1977.
You were born in the Chinese year of the Dragon.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Salmon; your plant is Raspberry.
Unless we believe what other people have told me, then it’s the Wolf! Wolf is sexier than salmon, but less tasty when grilled. Of course since most this shit is made up anyway (I mean which native American group has zodiac as salmon? No proper information!) I might as well call myself a badger, lock myself up in a walnut and declare myself the king of infinite space.

You were born in the Egyptian month of Paopy, the second month of the season of Poret (Emergence – Fertile soil).
Yeah, okay.

Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 19 Av 5736.
Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 20 Av 5736.
Morning. So 19 Av 5736 it is!

The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.18.3.2.1 which is
12 baktun 18 katun 3 tun 2 uinal 1 kin
Good to know. I’m sure that information will prove to be vital later.

The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Sunday, 19 Sha’ban 1396 (1396-8-19).

The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 18 April 1976.
The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 25 April 1976.
The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 3 March 1976.
The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1976.
The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 13 June 1976.
The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Saturday, 25 September 1976.
The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Thursday, 15 April 1976.
The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 2 March 1976.
You know, since I admitted I was born in 1976, there isn’t much of a trick you telling me how all these things happened on those dates in 1976.

As of 5/14/2008 2:40:05 PM EDT
You are 31 years old.
You are 381 months old.
You are 1,656 weeks old.
You are 11,595 days old.
You are 278,294 hours old.
You are 16,697,680 minutes old.
You are 1,001,860,805 seconds old.
Well good, you have a computer program that calculates silly shit for you. Your mother must be so proud.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Ben Affleck (1972)
Jimmy Webb (1946)
Linda Ellerbee (1944)
Mike Connors (1925)
Rose Marie (1925)
Phyllis Schlafly (1924)
Huntz Hall (1919)
Julia Child (1912)
Ethel Barrymore (1879)
Napoleon Bonaparte (1769)
Me and Napoleon, hanging with Julia Child on our birthday!

Top songs of 1976
Tonight’s the Night by Rod Stewart
Silly Love Songs by Wings
Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John & Kiki Dee
Disco Lady by Johnnie Taylor
Play The Funky Music by Wild Cherry
December, 1963 (Oh What a Night) by Four Seasons
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon
Kiss and Say Goodbye by Manhattans
If You Leave Me Now by Chicago
Love Hangover by Diana Ross

Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 4.53816046966732 years old. (You’re still chasing cats!)

Your lucky day is Sunday.
Your lucky number is 1 & 4.
Your ruling planet(s) is Sun.
Your lucky dates are 1st, 10th, 19th, 28th.
Your opposition sign is Aquarious.
Your opposition number(s) is 8.

Today is not one of your lucky days!
Shit! And I felt so lucky today too!

There are 93 days till your next birthday
on which your cake will have 32 candles.
Doubt it, I don’t usually have cake on my birthday.

Those 32 candles produce 32 BTUs,
or 8,064 calories of heat (that’s only 8.0640 food Calories!) .
You can boil 3.66 US ounces of water with that many candles.
NO CANDLES! BECAUSE NO CAKE!

In 1976 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.
In 1976 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)
In 1976 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
How are those last two facts individual to me at all? How can I believe that this is REALLY my individual information with crap like that being tossed about?

In 1976 the population of Australia was approximately 14,110,107.
In 1976 there were approximately 227,810 births in Australia.
In 1976 in Australia there were approximately 109,973 marriages and 63,230 divorces.
In 1976 in Australia there were approximately 112,662 deaths.
Um… Not Australian. Okay, interesting facts… but still it’s hardly relevant to me.

Your birthstone is Peridot

The Mystical properties of Peridot

Peridot is used to help dreams become a reality.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)

Sardonyx, Diamond, Jade

Your birth tree is WAIT, I have a birth tree? When did this shit start?

Cedar, the Confidence

Of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, wants to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy, optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

There are 225 days till Christmas 2008!
There are 238 days till Orthodox Christmas!
Again, this is hardly individual to me. I think their just tossing random shit in at this point.

The moon’s phase on the day you were
born was waning gibbous.
Well… okay then

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May 14, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Prime Time!

All the best TV shows in the 80s had openers, you ever notice that? A little bit just before the theme song that let you know what the whole show was about in a few sentences.

Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of Dr. Samuel Becket. Convicted of a crime he didn’t commit, he stepped into the Quantum Leap Accelerator and vanished into the LA Underground. His five year mission, to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to put right the things that once went wrong. If no one else can help you. If there is no one you can turn to, and if Al can find him, maybe you can hire The S-Team!

Cue music!

May 14, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment