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Helpful hints for Super Hero Movies

The following five items are intended to help film makers not make crappy super hero movies anymore. All film makers should review these five points and commit them to memory.

1. Stop trying to recreate particular drawings.
Yes, the cover of issue #147 was great, possibly the single most iconic drawing of the character ever made. You know why it’s on the cover though? Because they couldn’t think of anyway to shoe-horn that particular pose into the book itself. Trying to figure out a way to get that into the movie rarely serves the story. More often it just serves the ego of the artist who drew it to know that people loved it that much.

2. Try actually reading the comic book.
Lots of these comics have some really good story lines. A lot of them aren’t really viable for cinematic transformation, but you would be surprised how many of them are. Why not lift a classic story from the character’s past and use that as your plot instead of grabbing Random Adventure Plot #23?

3. Pick a story.
Okay, you selected a couple of story lines that are really great, but how to choose. Flip a coin or ask some geeks which is their favorite or sacrifice a chicken to Cthulu but for the love of Fancy DO NOT COMBINE THEM! Don’t pick scenes from this story and scenes from that story and try to mix them up, it almost never works. More often than not, far more often, what you get is a bunch of barely connected scenes strung together that lead to a confused and disjointed mess.

4. Don’t go all black for the costume.
I know, you think that colorful spandex makes the heroes look silly. Well… so does a padded black leather jumpsuit or some kind of pleather/latex nightmare that restricts movement and is so delicate that it can only be touched with gloves. Sure, you can’t do the spandex thing because humans don’t look like comic book drawings. The problem with an all black leather/latex nightmare suit is that it means everyone sort of looks the same in the end, which is what the whole colorful spandex thing was designed to avoid. This goes double for any team of heroes movies. When you make a uniform, it makes everyone look… uniform.

5. Never EVER(!) have your hero revel their secret identity to ANYONE!
It’s a bad idea! Don’t have them take their mask off, don’t have them say something that tips someone off, don’t have them identified at all! NO! Not the love interest, not the enemy who is going to die anyway, not a bus full of senior citizens who will keep it secret because the hero saved them, no one! EVER! Even if the identity is a known fact in the comics, make it a secret and keep it! If one more hero pulls off their mask at the slightest provocation (I’m looking at you Batman (Returns)!), or says something to the vapid love interest that the vapid love interest has said 86 times so she’ll know it’s him (Still looking at you Batman (Begins)!) or just revels the secret to the nearest chick as an aphrodisiac (Batman Forever), or even has his side kick do the reveling for him (BATMAN!) then I am going to get a gun and will no longer be responsible for my actions. Burning the mask or having it come off during a fight is not acceptable either.

May 31, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment