I'll come up with something in a minute.

Don’t give me have to!

You know what bugs me? People saying things like “If tagged, you HAVE to do this meme.” Because you will get “Oh no I fucking don’t bitch!” sent back at speed as a return.

I also hate things like “You have a nice day now” when I leave a store. It always starts the same narrative in my head. What if I don’t want to have a nice day? What if my cat is killed by Sandinista rebels and the ducks blow up my kitchen? I couldn’t possibly follow your orders then, could I? Did that ever enter your rat fuck mind? Don’t put pressure on me about what kind of day to have assface. And by that point, I can’t have a nice day because I’m worried about those damn Sandinista rebels gunning for Folly. Fancy can take care of herself, but Folly is just a stripy-butt who can barely find her own tail.

I just plain don’t like people telling me what to do, it’s a simple as that. I’m always resistant to the idea of people giving me orders outside of the understood social order. I have to obey a lawful order given by a police officer. I have to obey the laws of my state and country. I have to eat and drink and breathe. Beyond that though, I don’t really have to do anything.

There are some things I should do, just to exist within polite society. I should tip waitresses a good and fair amount, since waitresses are the one group I know of who are exempt from minimum wage laws and that really is part of her pay. I should learn and understand the customs of any group outside my own to know what would be considered rude, so I can either do those things or avoid doing them with the understanding of what will be the likely reaction.

These are part of the social order though. I’m actually very big on social order, which is probably something I don’t talk about that much, but I am. I’m very big on the little rules of the road that come in social situations and understanding them well enough to know that I can swing into the oncoming lane so I can pass a slow driver if I need to. I’m not talking about marking someone down for using the sugar spoon to get some jam for your toast. That sort of salad fork and dinner fork stuff is bullshit and they only put those things in to pad out what could be a five page book.

I have actually corrected salesmen who look at something with my name on it and say “Well, Brett…” By looking them directly in the eye and saying in a soft, commanding voice “Mister Lashuay” because that fucker A) Doesn’t know me well enough to call me familiar and B) Is in a service position. It’s snobby, I know, but I don’t like people presuming that we’re friends. We ain’t friends, mister car salesman!

If we were friends, you would know that few people call me by my first name anyway. My mother and father rarely call me by my given name. Almost no one ever calls me by my first name, like ever. Death will likely look in his book when the time comes and simply say, “Well, let’s go if you’re going.” understanding that I’m just arrogant to think he’s talking to me at that moment.

Acting like we’re the oldest of friends (and doing it badly at that) and that you can put an arm around my shoulder is a road to No Commission Town, pop. 387. I’m always polite about it, but I rarely buy things from people who try to presume that we have some kind of relationship that does not exist. I don’t get nasty to people, because I have my own little code on those points, but I do bristle and avoid buying anything.

If it’s a social situation, where someone I know has introduced me to another person or we’ve been talking about something, that’s a different. In fact, that’s completely different because then the person wouldn’t be presuming that we have some sort of relationship that doesn’t exist, we actually would have one. Even then, I feel more forgiving because this is a person who is just themselves on their own and not trying cynical tricks to get me to buy something.

These are some of the reasons I respond to commands so very, very badly. I am not someone who takes orders, or I would have entered National Service when that time came along. I respond to requests quite well though, and usually a request will find me an amicable and friendly participant if I’m able. I respond to well wishes in kind most often. It’s just a few words difference quite often between “Hope you have a nice day” and “You have a nice day now” but my reaction to one or the other is drastically different. One feels like a wish and the other sounds like an order to me. And what would be wrong with simply saying “Thank you” anyway? I hardly ever get thanked anymore, I just get my change.

I don’t jump on people, or berate them, because that would be equally as rude, but I do get annoyed about it every once in a while.

August 6, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment