I'll come up with something in a minute.

Fancy forces a retraction

IT IZ FOLLY! I IZ THE KITTEN! lol! Fancy says she can no bes the Publican Veep! She sez-URK!

Sorry about that folks, I do try to keep her away from the key board.

Hi, Fancy here.

Now some of you may have heard that some prankster suggested that I become John McCain’s running mate in the upcoming election. Allow me to say right now what a load of fish guts that is. The very idea that I would be willing to attach my good name to that of a sinking ship like the McCain campaign is so foolish that I’m surprised the caffeinated lout who said it could manage to spew such slanders. However, since I’ve had Al slip him a few of what ever it is the Vets give her for her little kitty nerves and he’s snoring like… well nothing snores like he does.. Anyway, I can now point out that I am not at all interested in being the Republican Vice President candidate, for the following reasons.

1. I’m a cat! For the sake of old Dash Ten (may he rest in peace) are you people insane? How could you even imagine me as McCain’s running mate? I have standards people. I mean really, if I were going to hook up with anyone’s campaign it would be Obama’s. The brother’s got style and I can dig it.

2. I’m far too liberal to be any good to a Republican candidate anyway. I mean seriously, if licking your butt in public is wrong then I don’t want to be right. Besides, most those republicans are just jealous that they can’t do it.

3. Wouldn’t Vice President be sort of a demotion from Ruler of the Universe?

4. I’m quite in favor or gays. And Mexicans. Pretty much anyone who will give me part of whatever they’re eating. Besides if there was anything Morgan (may she rest in peace) taught us kittens it’s that the more you keep out of other people’s business, the less you get your face stomped.

5. In case you hadn’t noticed the big spot on my side and the bit on my nose, I am part black and Republicans have said some pretty racist shit lately.

6. As a long hair, the last thing I want is Global Warming and thus I have to follow the guys who are working to at least slow it down a bit.

7. We domesticated animals know the dangers of overpopulation. Frankly we shouldn’t be talking about abortion or birth control so much as we should be asking every pet out there to have their human spayed or neutered.

8. I HATE BABIES! Smelly, screamy, and they grab onto your tail. No, seriously, keep the babies away from me.

9. Old people too. They always try to pick me up and I hate being picked up even more than I hate babies.

10. As a cat, I abhor hypocrisy. Frankly all these politicians (Except for Obama, because he’s got style) need a good hard wap on the head and probably deserve to be hissed at.

September 2, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

MEMO: Fancy for VP

Dear John McCain,

Your choice of Palin for VP sort of imploded today, at least it looks like that from here. I would therefore like to suggest a replacement that has as good or even better qualifications than your first choice.

Fancy, The Ruler of the Universe is ready to accept your nomination for Vice President.

Now I know what some of you might be thinking, can Fancy take that roll responsibly? To steal one of Obama’s lines, YES SHE CAN! Of course she can, let’s just have a quick look at her resume shall we?

At the age of eight she is, in cat years, older and more grown up than Obama.

Fancy has really worked her way up from poverty, starting off as a stray in one the bushes outside my parents house, so she knows what sleeping outside in the cold is like.

Fancy is very much a pro-hunting candidate, you should see her go after the ducks on our lawn.

Fancy has NEVER had a sex scandal of any kind, having been fixed as a kitten.

Fancy learned her politics at the feet of Ke’Chara, a most venerated name among the cats around here, who taught her the best way to deal with someone was to either wap it on the head or ignore it.

Fancy has her own chair. HER OWN DAMN CHAIR! Do you understand? No one else can or does sit in that chair, just Fancy. That is executive power. She’s had that chair a lot longer than your current choice has been governor.

Fancy already rules the universe, and should be able to handle being VP just fine. What does that job entail? Sleeping and sometimes biting some lefty liberal type? Sure, she can do that.

Fancy has been to the vet several times, which is just like being a P.O.W. what with the whole being put in a box and having people stick you with things.

Fancy has rubbed up against Russians, Germans, and a few Asian people proving her great international experience. She also has great rapport with minorities, everyone likes Fancy.

Fer the love of waffles, just LOOK AT HER! She’s adorable, it would make Jane Fonda switch sides if she were on the Republican ticket.

She can smack Folly into line, stare Al into line and has even managed to deal with Chou Chou to a certain extent.

Fancy knows that sometimes you’ve got to get resources and is perfectly adept at sitting on the table and staring at people until they give her part of their dinner. She is sure that fund raisers can more or less be handled in this manner.

There is also the well known fact that no one would vote against a kitty. The only hope Obama would have after that would be to dump Biden and try and get a puppy, which is a stupid choice because puppies have no experience and piss all over the floor.

She’s waiting for the one meeting you need to decide on a canidate.

‘Nuff said!

Now playing: James Galway – The Presidential Hornpipes

September 2, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment