I'll come up with something in a minute.

I’d shout Kaaahn, but my throat hurts too much.

Dear universe,

Lay off you fucking whore’s douche!


I don’t need computers crashing, holidays happening, basements flooding, garages breaking, weddings, sickness and then having my father get laid off from a company he gave almost 20 years to. Just cut it the fuck out! Let me catch my breath for Bob’s sake.

Hugs and kisses,


Because Obama won’t do it, I am declaring a universal sick day. Everyone, just stay home from work today. Stay in bed and be sick. This is not a holiday so DO NOT see family members. Family members never help anyone get better. They only stress you out and make you want to kill someone. That is unless it’s your carrying spouse/homie/step above fuckbuddy/whatever. However, since they’ll be laid up too, forget it.


Syd is sick too, just less sever than me. She feel crap but she doesn’t have the chills then fever then chills then wash, then rinse then repeat that I’m having. Holly is healthy, and doing her best to provide soup and juice when we’re still a week from pay day. I’m avoiding them both as much as I can, I don’t want anyone to get my death germs. I’m selfish like that. It’s noble and shit, keeping oneself away so the sickness will only kill me. It does make one feel awfully lonely though.


When I eat, I start to cough. When I cough, I do it so hard my body spasms. When my body spasms, my stomach spasms. When my stomach spasms, it freaks out. When it freaks out, I puke.

I’ve tasted an entire bread bowl of French onion soup twice now. Not fun. Also, a lot of ginger ale and orange juice has gone away too.


Good sick drink. Get a big glass and pour in an ounce or two of orange juice, then pour in a can of gingerale or other strongly effervescing drink. It tastes of orange, but it fizzes like crazy. Awesome.


Instead of grossing you out further, I’m going to go watch more TV.


If I don’t live through this, tell my folks that I was alive all this time but I couldn’t be bothered to get in touch with them.

January 27, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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