I'll come up with something in a minute.

Further Musings

Last week I put forth the idea that in a poly relationship, even people who aren’t officially dating are sort of dating. That unless you’re SO and OSO never ever talk there is going to be some sort of implied relationship between them even if no actual romantic connection exists. Now I mentioned at the time that I was missing a few pieces and I hadn’t fully formed the idea, but I’m coming back because I have a way to define part of what I meant better.

Let’s set up a situation, okay? A little example? A girl is dating two guys. The two guys are straight, and no question. Okay? Got that? Good. I pick on the two guys because guys are more rarely afflicted by the time on their watching showing that it’s bi-o’clock and they might as well grab the nearest same sex partner to get their actual intended object of bed bouncification going.

There is still an implied intimacy between these two guys though, because they’re both doing something deeply intimate with the same girl. It’s sort of like meeting the guy who used to be dating your girl, only he’s still dating her now. So it’s not just “He was once banging my girl,” or even “He was banging her last night,” but rather, “he was banging her last night and after I’m done banging her tonight he’s going to bang her tomorrow.” Assuming her libido keeps up and she’s into being treated like the ball in a game of sex pong.

The two guys are both intimate with the girl though, so they share an intimacy even if they don’t talk much. Let’s assume they don’t mind hanging out with each other though, we won’t assume they’re buddies or anything because then the non-sexual intimacy becomes too easy to point out. We’ve had enough Bro-mance movies in the last few years to see how that works. I’m talking about those days when everyone hangs out together, there has to be some moments where the two guys realize that they’re sharing an intimacy by proxy.

Again, as before, I’m sort of sticking my toe into theoretical waters, since I’ve always been either the center of the relationship or an equal partner. I’ve never been part of the outsider, but I’ve noticed that this particular dynamic has been ignored by most the literature I’ve read and the idea interests me strangely.

April 3, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

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