I'll come up with something in a minute.

All downhill after ’41

You know why Disney movies suck now? No Pink Elephants. I fully believe that the Pink Elephants in Dumbo made that movie what it is. I always loved that section, and I was in my teens before I discovered that some people found it scary when they were kids. I always thought it was just the most interesting bit in the movie, it was the bit that didn’t look like everything else I was presented. It was the only thing that was ever different. BUT someone found out that some wimpy kid found it scary and they stopped doing interesting things because one scaredy-cat might piss himself and that ruined it for everyone. They only flirted with being interesting after that, they never really recovered.

And what’s wrong with giving a kid a fright now and then? Just a little one, just enough to keep them on their toes. I’m as firm believer in scaring kids just a little bit. It shows them that there are scary things in the world, but usually it only lasts a little while and everything will probably turn out alright in the end. And hey, if you see pink elephants than crows will teach you how to fly! How cool is that? If you don’t teach kids to deal with scary stuff when they’re young, they’ll act like panicky idiots every time something slightly tense happens when they grow up.

Also, they never topped Baby Mine, which can only fail to make you cry like a little bitch if you don’t have a soul or something. Seriously, I can’t watch that scene with people in the room or it would ruin my tough guy reputation.

June 11, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Liberty’s Child (Part Twelve)

Liberty’s Child

A Jack Collier Mystery

By Brett N. Lashuay

Look here for last week’s entry!


Day Twelve: Well, That Was Easy


            Debbie had long since gone home by the time we got back to my office, which meant the two of us had the place to ourselves. The sun had mostly gone down, but you couldn’t really see it from my office window because it faces north. I’ve always thought I should get an office that faces another direction, just so I could get some blinds and then I could get that neat slashing effect when the light hits them just right.


            I sat down at my desk, and it only just occurred to me how long I’d been going for. Not that going all day was that big a strain after the time I’d just spent, but it was good to get off my feet all the same. I could feel the wish to sling my legs up and rest my shoes on the desk, but looking across the desk at Columbia’s face stopped me. I still had business to do before the night was over.


            “So, why this kidnapping lark?” I asked her, trying to start the conversation.


            “Why did you come for me?” She asked. “I could have gotten the money from Daddy in a day or two.”


            “I still haven’t exactly found you, if I decide that you don’t really need finding.” I told her looking to my fridge, where there would be a can of coke or some water or something.


            “Would you really do that?” She asked.


            “I don’t know yet.” I said standing up and looking at my fridge. “I’ll need to hear why you decided to do this first.”


            I walked around my desk towards the fridge, which Columbia clearly thought was me coming towards her. She reached out for me and I took her hand to avoid looking rude. My throat was dry, but I sat down in the other client’s chair. She leaned over and kissed me, which I couldn’t help but think was an impulsive movement. It was also clearly an impulse to slide her tongue into my mouth, and to grab the back of my head as well as leaving her chair and pressing her body into mine.


            “I’ve always wanted you.” She said putting her fingers around my tie and taking it off. “I’ve had a crush on you since like, forever.”


            “Okay, hold on.” I said gently pushing her off me and putting her back into her chair. “I really need a drink of water.”


            I got up, and hoped that the loose cut of my pants still protected my visual signals. I got out of the chair, crossed two steps and opened the fridge. There were only three bottles of water, so I took one out and opened it. I took nearly half the ice cold water down in a single go, finally letting it stop when I absolutely had to breath. I took in a gasp of air, and felt like my skin had gone electric. I looked back at her, and found that I was staggered by the beauty that was sitting in the chair looking at me.


            “Would you like a drink of water?” Was about the only thing I could manage. “All I seem to have is water.”


            “That’d be nice.” She agreed.


            I bent over and took another bottle of water from my little fridge and sat down in the second client chair again, finding it more dignified than climbing into her lap. As it turned out, I didn’t need to worry about what was or wasn’t dignified, since as I sat down she moved across again and made a fresh attack.


            Her skin was warm, soft, and had a firmness under the smooth curves that made me respond instantly. I put my arms around her and squeezed her body close to mine. I know what you, with your detachment, are saying right now. You are asking exactly what the hell I’m thinking or if in fact I am actually thinking at all. This sort of thing always comes to a bad end you are saying to yourself, and if I were smart I wouldn’t allow this sort of thing to happen.


            Well your armchair quarterbacking is all well and good, but you weren’t there were you? I don’t know how often it happens to you that a beautiful young woman leaps towards you ask almost begs you to take her right there on the desk, but it doesn’t happen to me. I’ve already had my thirtieth birthday and here was a gorgeous young thing eight years younger than me in the sort of shape that I could only have wished to have been allowed to touch when I was her age. Of course I had to prove to her that the waiting for her to even get old enough to be considered wasn’t in vain.


            While I do not discuss the finer details about my love life here, there are some things you should know. Desks are not really conducive to lovemaking, at least not like they are in the movies. You can manage, but really you should go find a bed or something. Overstuffed leather client chairs provide a better environment than desks do, but they still present problems. Floors should really be right out and should only be used in the direst of circumstances, at least if you have hardwood flooring like my office does. She didn’t seem to mind, but I couldn’t help but notice my knees and elbows weren’t what they used to be.


            “So, what the hell is this kidnapping thing?” I asked as we lay on the floor, letting the sweat slowly evaporate in the air.


            “We’re trying to stop daddy’s expansion thing.” She said. “He’s hurting so many people out there, he’s going to destroy entire countries if he expands out.”


            “How is a hundred million going to stop him?” I asked. “Isn’t that pocket change?”


            “That’s just going to help fund the group.” She said running her hand around my chest. “What’s going to do it is pointing out that he can’t expand because his home is in such a mess. If the tree seems to have rotten roots, no one will think it’s a good idea to let it stretch out further.”


            “So you decided to try and get a hundred million dollars to an international crime syndicate like LION?” I asked, and her reaction was very close to being priceless.


            “What?” She shot up and looked down at me, her eyes filled with shock. “How do you know about them?”


            “I’ve had a run in with one or two of their people.” I said remaining calm.


            “They’re not criminals!” She said. “They’re freedom fighters. They’re trying to take down the greater evils in our world. If they’re breaking laws it’s only because the people who make the laws have them stacked against us in their favor.”


            I decided not to argue her about the finer points of criminality, since it wouldn’t have done any good. I raised my hand and stroked her cheek gently with the backs of my fingers. I was pleased, and slightly disturbed, to note that she reacted exactly like her mother always did. She closed her eyes, smiled and turned her head to kiss the knuckles as they passed. It simultaneously excited me and turned my stomach to consider that I had now bedded two generations of women from the same family. The biggest problem was that in considering her mother, I had to consider that I knew Columbia when she was as young as her sister was at that moment.


            “So why?” I asked. “I mean his business got you everything you have. Besides, I thought Freedom Corp. was supposed to be a real stand up organization.”


            “You know how they bought out Fascism Inc. right?” She asked.


            “Yeah.” I nodded, I’d sort of glanced at the story when it happened.


            “Well he was supposed to get rid of their board and stuff, but he kept them on as consultants or something.” She said, looking disgusted. “Now they run the company, they’re turning Freedom Corp. into a bigger, more powerful version of Fascism Inc.”


            “So how will this stop him?”


            “If his deal is ruined, maybe he’ll wake up to all the damage his company is doing.” She sounded a bit desperate, like she didn’t really believe it.


            “You know what I think?” I said, considering an idea that probably wasn’t a terrible idea at the time, but later would turn out to be.


            “What?” She asked.


            “I think you should go confront the Major, tell him what you’re doing.”


            “Why would I want to do that?” She asked sitting back from me.


            “Because then he knows what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, and that this can all be over when he stops being a cock bite. You want to wake him up, go tell him to wake up.” I explained, trying not to talk rapidly which is always a hint that I’m pulling something. “Then your mother will stop worrying, your father will really start worrying and so long as no one else knows what’s going on you can keep it up. You could even make it worse if you wanted.”


            “Yeah.” She said, nodding with agreement. “Okay, let’s go.”


            She stood up and started gathering her clothes. I declined to point out that Crammer and Alice were probably still at the house, even at this hour. We would be nabbed, photographed and she would be in a police station being debriefed by a squad of talkers within an hour of our arrival. However, none of that would be my fault, because how was I to know they’d be there? She couldn’t get too mad at me and I would get paid because the job would get done. Then she’d run off again, but this time she’d tell her father what was going on and he’d have to deal with that, without me. Really, Major Freedom had it coming, I’ve never really liked him much.


This is part twelve of twenty-three, come back next week for part thirteen and every Thursday until we’re done to see what happens next. If you get lost, one of the tags here should help you. The Liberty tag will take you to the story while the Jack Tag will take you to Part One of every story we post here.

June 11, 2009 Posted by | Fiction, Jack | | Leave a comment