I'll come up with something in a minute.

Cougar… look it up, you’ve got google.

I tried to watch the literal video for Total Eclipse of the Heart, but I just couldn’t finish it. For one thing, while she can sort of sing, the girl is nowhere near Bonnie Tyler’s voice. She’d need to have her lungs replaced with leaf blowers and smoke a million Lucky Strikes to even approach what Bonnie had going on. The guy who did Take on Me at least sounded sort of like the singer for A-Ha, but this chick is no where near the power or vibe. She was just weak, and reminds me that people think women are pretty much interchangable. It would be like getting Michael Jackson to sing for Meatloaf. Oh and that’s not far off from the guy they got to sing for the Loaf in the I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That) video. The fact that literal video degenerated into potty humor that just wasn’t funny didn’t help either.

And besides, do you need a literal translation for the Total Eclipse of The Heart video? Isn’t it already clear enough what’s going on? Do you really need it spelled out for you?
Let’s watch together shall we?

It’s pretty simple really…
“In 1983, Bonnie Tyler was everything you ever wanted a cougar to be.”

TA-DA!

Seriously, the woman could bring a dead tree to orgasm just by singing to it.

Oh, and the ninjas are in there because ninjas were very “IN” at the time. It has nothing to do with her fucking you with the power of her voice alone.

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June 21, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Executive Decision!

I keep hearing Pluto isn’t a planet, then someone tells me that they decided it is again, then someone else says that wasn’t true and that Pluto really isn’t one and someone else says it’s something called Dwarf Planet which just sounds like making up reasons to get the word planet in there with out admitting that its really a planet.

Well, Fancy*, Me and Betty White have had enough of your bullshit! It has been decided at an executive meeting that Pluto will once and for all be classified as an appetizer! Betty wanted to go with the more refined sounding hors d’œuvre, but fancy claimed you can’t really do something the size of Pluto in one bite and besides it’s just too simple. In her view hors d’œuvres should be more complicated and not just like a side of nachos for when the planet eaters come.

I should mention that Fancy has been reading the Galactus Fantastic Four stories the last couple of days and keep comparing them to Unicron. I think that’s where the whole idea of eating all our planets as a meal came from. I should also add that I’m not really sure that old woman was Betty White, particularly since Fancy had put a wig on her and kept prodding her with the .45 shouting, “Now talk about St. Olaf or you’ll loose more toes!” Come to think of it, when I looked the wallet claimed he was Steve Johnson and was a traveling salesman from Pittsburg.

If I hadn’t spent most of the 80s on drugs (administered by people who claimed to be doctors and later had to leave the country under assumed names to avoid having to help the Popos with their inquiries) this would probably worry me more than it does. At the moment, I’ve been sent up here to type this little announcement and remind you that it could happen to you next, and then I’ve got to go down and work the tazer for Fancy on “Betty” because she doesn’t have thumbs but can demand I “Hit her again!” because she “likes to watch her wriggle.” Despite the fact that she knows it’s a man because she’s currently wearing his wig.

*The Ruler of the Universe
†stenographer
Ωco-ruler of the universe since 5 minutes ago according to Fancy

June 21, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

YAR!

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June 21, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment