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Ep 601: In which I tell great authors why they suck.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun (Sonnet 130)
by William Shakespeare

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Note to the Author: While women appreciate honesty, they don’t appreciate it that much. It doesn’t really work to inform her “Sweetie, you look a bit of a fright in the morning.” Even if you try to make it up in the last two lines, don’t be surprised if she’s banging Marlow by morning.

July 13, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment