I'll come up with something in a minute.

Would you still love her if she couldn’t run?

I don’t know if you’ve been following the story of Caster Semenya, but if you haven’t I’ll give you the quick version as I understand it. This woman from South Africa ran really fast and won a gold medal. Someone in the audience shouts “She looks too butch to be a woman!” and the Olympic community looked and said “Hey! Yeah! She’s not barefoot or pregnant or anything!” and proceeded to put her through the medical wringer. Instead of doing this privately, they decided to instead humiliate her by putting the whole thing out as a press release to the entire world! In the end, they found out she’s a woman but she has some testicles or something like that. I read somewhere that this condition gives less testosterone than a woman who has had a hysterectomy gets in her system if she doesn’t take the pills.

They claim this rare medical condition gives her an unfair advantage and the power to cloud men’s mind so they cannot see her. Strange, when swimmer and avid pothead Michael Phelps won all those medals they kept telling us how he was built in every way to be the perfect swimmer. That if a secret government agency was going to make a super swimmer, that’s how the lab would design him. Isn’t that an unfair advantage? Shouldn’t we have tied weights to his legs to make it fairer? Don’t we live in the world of Harrison Bergeron? I could have sworn all the runners have an unfair advantage, what with them being in better shape than me at running. I can’t beat them in a race. I think they have an unfair advantage against me. Buncha stupid girls.


The reason I bring this up is there is a new story that the president of Athletics South Africa had some tests done and found all this out a little while ago but didn’t tell anyone. They claimed the squashed the test because “If we did not let her run, we would be confirming that she is not normal,” and they says she is normal and not a freak at all. Okay, you say, so far so hoopy. Good for them, not treating an inter-sexed person like a freak. The country of South Africa is standing behind her and I’ve seen stories about people in other places who are standing in her support too. In the end, this will be a good thing since every girl who grows up strong will now be less of a tom boy and more the next gold medal winner. Anyone on the edge of gender will now have someone that they can look up to. So long as the positive feelings last, things will be that much easier.

The problem is that I have this niggling little thought in the back of my mind. Would they be treating her so well if she couldn’t run fast? Give you the flip side of this coin. Did anyone here read about how Michael Vick got caught abusing and murdering those dogs? Well, from what I read, he had to really try to get caught. Sheriffs, local cops, the D.A., everyone wanted to sweep it under the rug and did so for a long time. Since he could run fast and could do it while holding a football, they wanted to turn a blind eye to the kind of behavior that should have had anyone else in jail for a very long time.

And I have that same sort of question here. Would they be behind Semenya if she wasn’t winning? It troubles me greatly to consider that the answer is likely no. Maybe I’m wrong, and they’d still be behind her if she got bronze, but I think they’d be less supportive for a third place runner.

September 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Does anyone want to buy these goods that I stole off someone who actually worked for them?

Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to stand and deliver. We will be boarding your ship in a moment and taking control of any and all goods aboard as well as stealing the ship. All you men, my band of merry cutthroats will be killing you. Women, you’ll be soundly raped and the children, hello dears, you’ll be sold into slavery. Won’t that be nice? Anyone who resists will be killed, anyone who doesn’t resist, will probably also be killed. Once that’s done we’ll be running slaves, which we’ll use to buy molasses, which we’ll use to buy rum and then we’ll probably nip off to the orient for a while to get some really hard drugs with which to enslave the minds and souls of everyone from Europe and the Asia.

There is no point is appealing to the British crown, since most of us either are or where officers in the Royal Navy and only do this as a sort of summer holiday lark. Also, unlike your frankly bigoted version of us, that simply paints all poor Englishmen with a mish-mash of regional accents as criminals, most of us are actually fairly erudite and are quite well respected in our home communities. But of course, that’s only because they have no idea what goes on out here in the oceans.

I thank you for listening and now you really must surrender or it’s going to go even worse for you than we’re already planning.

This is my entry for Talk Like a Pirate Day. A little factual perhaps, not enough bullshit romanticism, but then I’ve got an education and there’s nothing I can do about that.

September 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

We have roses

I didn’t know we had autumn roses, there weren’t any last year. However, we’ve got one plant that has about a dozen buds on it. There are also grapes in our trees.











September 19, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment