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Career Path

I was reading a friend’s idea about how she wants to abandon her current career path and go into something less frustrating when I had an idea. It should be noted, my friend thinks that the job that would less frustrating than her chosen path was that of “heroin junkie” and that I suspect she’d overall meet a better class of people in that position than the one she’s going for. It’s neither her nor there for my post, but it does amuse slightly.


I was thinking, as I’ve mused before, that the field of “Gentlemen Scoundrel” is woefully under represented in our modern world. Mayhaps, I suggested to myself, I could fill that void. I intend to take the proverbial bull, if proverbial is the word I want there, by the proverbial horns and do something about this. I will become a Victorian Villain of the highest order. Not the street level thug you understand, but a high level genius variety that does everything through subordinates. I will gather information through servants, deliver blackmail notes through third parties and have violence delivered by externally arranged thugs.

I will dress in black and silver, get an ebony cane with a silver wolf’s head, and invent elaborate schemes to get whatever I need to perform my nefarious deeds. I will call myself the Chevalier (pronounced Chev-ah-lare) and will pronounce myself to be “The epi-tome of evil” and that those who stand in my way are “As foolish as Don Quick-Soty” in trying to stop me. I will use a manic, high, extremely irritating voice and will end every sentence with a laugh that sounds like “Haw-HA!”

NOW! You may already be saying to yourself, “What about heroes though? Aren’t there always some pesky heroes who have nothing better to do than stop villains?” AH-Ha, but you see, that’s not the clever bit though.

Let me tell you the clever bit.

The clever bit is that I will get a mask or a scarf, a cape, a big hat, carry a pair of automatic pistols and go about calling myself something like The Scarlet Hawk, and proceed to beat the living daylights out of my own thugs. I can investigate the schemes, allowing the small preliminary steps to go forward, but preventing the big finish. As The Scarlet Hawk, I’ll use a low rasping voice and a different vocabulary so as to allay suspicion. As The Scarlet Hawk, I will also pronounce epitome correctly.

The Hawk will manage to be a step or two behind The Chevalier, but gradually work out what the big plan is and stop it from coming to pass. You see, I won’t want to actually blow up all of Pittsburgh, so The Scarlet Hawk will stop The Chevalier’s bomb from going off, but will have been so busy defusing the bomb that The Chevalier will have been given the precious few seconds needed to affect his escape.

Properly balanced, I could keep up the rivalry between The Chevalier and The Scarlet Hawk for years. And think about it, The Chevalier will get away with all the money, but at least The Scarlet Hawk will have stopped him from destroying the whole city! It’s a brilliant plan, I think you’ll agree.

October 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment