I'll come up with something in a minute.

Five things for November 10th

1. Reading In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash is going slower that I would like, but the stories are good.

2. Been watching Doki Doki School Hours, which I like, but falls apart a bit in the OVA. The cartoon is silly and seriously light on plot, but I like it. In a shocking breach of protocol, the voice acting on the dub actually isn’t bad. In a proper anime, one that follows all the rules, the dub’s voice acting should be so horrifically annoying that you want to jam a steak knife in your ear. This one isn’t too bad though. Normally I wouldn’t bother with dubs, but I sort of wanted to do something while watching the cartoon and it was easier this way.

3. Syd is trying very hard not to get sick right now. She’s being a brave little soldier, but I’m worried it’s going to catch up with her anyway. It’s creeping up on me too, I’m afraid. We need to buy some orange juice or something. Problematic since we’re low on funds until payday.

4. Right now, I would be willing to burn down the house and fake my own death to avoid having to do anything even remotely connected to any holiday.

5. These last few months have sucked. Seriously sucked in so many ways. Personal shit that I’m not going into here have caused problems and tension. A lot of “I’m disagreeing with her but I’m going to argue with you” coming from both sides. Got it mostly worked out, sort of. It seems to be okay, but everyone is still tense. That is enough to make most people depressed, but let’s combine that with my family’s inability to stay alive because of FUCKING INSURANCE COMPANIES! Oooh, I do hope that socialist white-folk hating Kenyan destroys your fucking industry and you suffer just one tenth of what you’ve done to others. Put that up with the physical symptoms of the arthritis in my poor mitts is really, really bad. My left thumb can hardly have any pressure on it today, for example. It keeps moving around, today the thumb, tomorrow the elbow, yesterday it was one of my knees. Never boring. Then you’ve got the muscle thing. If you can imagine microscopic rats gnawing at the fibers of your muscles, you can get to the feelings I’m having in my legs and arms. Enough right? No! One thing after another has gone wrong, broken, misfired, or just plain failed in a way that just writing FAIL in big block letters can’t convey. As a result of these things, many of which would be small and manageable on their own but not all coming at once, I have not been feeling at my best. I can’t even get angry at the whole thing, I’m just too tired. I am completely worn out and only have an inch or two of rope left.

If I do manage to get energetic for long enough to sustain an unhealthy anger, I think I’ll go to the headquarters of every pantheon I can find and inform them that I am not pleased by the current distribution of bullshit.

November 10, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Top 40 Movies by odd connections (Part Two)

Here is Part One

So where were we? Oh yes, I remember now. Luke Skywalker just had his hand sliced off at the wrist. Now, I could pretty much mention any other Star Wars movie at this point, because Lucas has a hand amputation fetish, but that’s not how I roll. Let’s see where I go from a cut off hand.

That man is serious about getting rid of hangnails.

Evil Dead 2

I think it leads quite naturally into Evil Dead II, in which Ash looses his hand. Well, looses isn’t quite the right word, he takes a chainsaw and cuts it off himself. Granted, his hand had turned totally evil, but still. You’ve got to be pretty badass to take your own hand off at the wrist with a power tool. Right hand too, you might notice. Both the Evil Dead movies have a lot of talking to the dead, which is convenient for my next choice.

Don’t take it so hard, later we can be in a nice Spider-Man movie.

The dead talk in a lot of movies.

I shouldn’t have had that last one.


In Rashōmon, the murdered man gives testimony through a medium leading to someone else talking to the dead. Yeah, didn’t see that one coming did you? Well, maybe if you’ve seen the movie recently. That part never fit with me, because of the supernatural angle, so I remember it really well. Of course Rashōmon is famous for being different versions of a single story told from multiple view points, and the tale itself is being told to someone so may have yet another view.

Um… pass! I know it seems lazy, but sometimes I honestly can’t come up with anything.

What other movies can we think of with multiple versions of the same story?

And when you really need it the most, that’s when Rock N’ Roll dreams coem true… for you!

The highly colorful Hero also contains different versions of the same story, but in a slightly different way. In this it’s just two guys telling each other how the events happened instead of several people giving evidence. Instead of never really saying how it all went down, we get closer to the truth as the movie unfolds. Of course, Hero is also contains a great deal of people fighting while flying. I wasn’t too into flying people before this movie, it always seemed a bit silly, but I liked it in this. It really was this and not Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon that did it for me.

I be done seen about everything, when I see a kung-fu artist fly.

Continuing on the “thing that has no business flying” theme…

And you thought seagulls were bad.

We’ve got Dumbo. Hey, Dumbo! You remember Dumbo? Of course what else is the chief point of Dumbo? Right, getting drunk. It’s when Dumbo and the mouse get drunk that they have the Pink Elephants. Boozing it up in a Disney movie! Don’t get that these days do we? Oh no! Health and safety would have kittens over that. However, this isn’t the only Disney movie with a main character boozing it up.

So… is it okay to get kids drunk now? Mixed signals guys!

Let’s see how we get there.

Again with the hooch!

Who Framed Roger Rabbit
Drinking could have taken us anywhere, but I choose to take us to Eddie Valiant’s drinking problem. I did this, because Who Framed Roger Rabbit contains an important link to our next movie. Also, I like the idea of Disney movies that have lots of drinking. If I could find a Disney movie with felching, you can bet that I’d use it. Probably not going to find that though. Even if I did, how would I draw back to mainstream films? About the only thing you could really do after that is claim that the Muppet Movie is all about fisting really. ANYWAY! You might remember that the opening of the movie has a story within the story.

Look, I’m trying to symbolize the inherent nature of man here.

It’s all a story with in a story, wrapped in an enigma, covered in dark velvety chocolate…

The Grand Ole Opry just ain’t what it used to be.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
Much like Baron Munchausen’s story is told on the stage, set within the confines of the movie. The Baron begins telling his story on stage, but then the tale seems to end, but it doesn’t really. The lines of where the story ends and the adventure begins is really blurred in a wonderful way. In that film, young Sally has a problem with her Father not being there for her, going so far as to say “And Son” instead of “And Daughter.”

See dads? A little bit of paste can make up for years of neglect.

Fathers and daughters have lots of problems though, as we’ll see…

It says here that pink high tops are still in fashion.

SPL: Sha Po Lang
While it was sold as Killzone in America, the movie SPL also has father’s having problems with their daughters. The end of the movie actually takes place around Father’s Day, which is a big part of the movie. Dads, sons, daughters, it all comes together here in a way that might confound some, delight others, and make fight junkies wonder where the next fight is. Don’t get too impatient, I’m getting to that. There is a great fight, an awesome fight, a fight so cool it ends with the bad guy being disemboweled with his own knife. That’s pretty hard-core right there, cutting a guy’s guts out.

GUTS! I know the screen cap isn’t perfect, so I decided to tell you.

Yeah, I’ve got another guts movie.

MORE GUTS! Same joke, different cap.

Another film in which the bad guy gets his guts cut out by the end is Rambo, which I’ve reviewed before. That would be the fourth Rambo movie by the way. I’m not going to go into the various complaints about sequel names, just understand which one I’m talking about. In that movie, some religious missionaries basically caused all of Rambo’s problems for him. They don’t listen, they go places they’re not wanted.

The girl is cute though.

Religious people just cause problems for everyone.

Here we come a wassailing along the leaf so green.

Kingdom of Heaven
Case in point. In Kingdom of Heaven, it’s religious fanatics cause all the problems for everyone. Really, religion is just a big headache as far as movies go. Pretty much, unless you’re watching something on one of those religious channels that only grandmothers ever watch, religion is going to be problematic. Best to stay away from it. However, you should get this movie, but only in the Director’s Cut format. This is one of the few times that a director’s cut is worth your time. Mostly it’s just a lot of self-indulgence, but here it actually works. There is also a scene in which Saladin give the captured Guy a chalice of ice, which is a lovely frozen treat.

Should I make an “Ice, Ice Baby” joke? Y/N?

Frozen Treats?

You ever notice how there is no way to eat ice cream and look dignified?

Hot Fuzz
Speaking of Frozen Treats, cornetto in this case, let’s talk about Hot Fuzz. That movie is a veritable roller coaster of references. Among all the comedy and mystery and murders there is a fairly constant stream of winking references, which are how I like them. I won’t even scratch that surface, since it would take too long and would bore you quickly if you weren’t watching. Just trust me, reference city, this movie is.

Pic unrelated

OKAY! Next week we’ll pick up from where we left off today with the references.

November 10, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment