I'll come up with something in a minute.

Let’s think about this…

I don’t blame Eve and Pandora for their parts in their mythologies’ “everything used to be awesome until you did something we told you not to, you dumb bitch” stories. I blame the Gods. Think about it, what kind of dipshit asshole puts the fruit of knowledge in among people who don’t know any better? Why does the God of Abraham hate education so much is a question for another day, but why put it there? Why risk it? It was a set up! If the snake hadn’t done what it did soon, that God would have knocked over all the other trees in a freak gale and then held Eve down and forced the fruit down her throat.

Like wise, what sort of galactic douche gives an 18 year old girl (Maximum age suggested) a box with all the horrors of the universe in it as a wedding gift? Answer: Motherfuckers wanted it to get opened. All that “Do not open ‘til VEWPRF” stuff on the box was just so they could blame the girl. You’ll notice there was no lock on the box, no way to prevent its opening, a cat rubbing against the box could have flipped the lid.

If they didn’t want these things to be opened or eaten, they’d have kept them far away. Otherwise, they really did want what happened to happen, but they wanted to blame someone else. That’s not cool, in fact, that’s really low. You’d expect better from someone who is supposed to be a perfect being and all.

This is why I only ever trust cats.

April 5, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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