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The Henry Ford Museum (March 26, 2010)

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April 10, 2010 Posted by | Photo | | Leave a comment

Photo Everyday (015)

April 10, 2010 Posted by | Photo | , | Leave a comment

World War Two: The Short Version

Syd wants to buy a video camera just so she can record me talking about World War Two for five minutes and put it up on the internet.

We’ve sort of got a script because it’s a stock explanation.
The following contains harsh language and unacceptable national stereotypes. It also contains spoilers for how World War Two ends. Just in case you needed a heads up there.
World War Two went like this…

Act One
Germany: I want to own Europe
Italy: I want to ride Germany’s coattails.
Japan: I want to own Asia
England: I say! P.G. Wodehouse sure is a funny fellow, isn’t he?
America: Could you keep it down? I’ve got a headache and I’m a little depressed.

Act Two
Germany: Ima claim Poland!
England: Um… you can’t do that.
Germany: Can. Watch me!
England: I say!
Germany: Ima take the Sudetenland next.
England: France, say something.
France: *Puffs cigarette* Who cares? We’re all going to die anyway.
England: If you don’t stop this really quite sharpish I’ll… I’ll… Well I’ll jolly well write a strongly worded letter to The Times.
America: Keep it down over there!
Japan: *Acts like a pack of COMPLETE psychos*

Act Three
Germany: Put ’em up France. You gonna fight or what?
France: *puffs cigarette* Fuck this! We give up. *puts up hands, lowers them to puff at cigarette again* I’m sure surrenduring this one time won’t produce a national stereotype that will follow us for years.
England: What? Good Lord! France has surrendeured. That leaves… just us. Damn! Well, we’ll fight on!
Germany: Oh yes?
England: Yeah! Backs to the wall, stiff upper lip, the armada and all that.
Germany: um… yeah. Gonna hafta smack you like a bitch I think.
Germany tries to bitch slap England, but England don’t go down like no bitch.
England: Pip pip, mothafucka!
Germany: Fuck! Change of plans, let’s fuck with Russia instead.
Russia: Oh no you didn’t!
Japan: *Keeps on acting like a pack of COMPLETE psychos*
America: KEEP! IT! DOWN!

Act Four (the reckonin’)
Japan: Ima fuck with America. *fucks up Pearl Harbor’s shit but good*
America: *Looks at the shattered remains of Pearl Harbor and quietly walks back into the house*
Japan: Yeah! That’s right bitch! You go back in the house and make me a sammich!
Germany: Make me a sammich too bitch.
England: Oh dear, he didn’t look happy.
America: *Kicks open the door holding biggest pair of guns ye hath ever seen* I SAID KEEP IT DOWN! I just wanted some peace and quiet. But NOOOOO! Some motherfucker had to go and fuck with me. Now! NOW! Now I’m going to kill every last one of you fucks!
Italy: Meep!
America: BOOM! *Shoots Italy in the face*
Germany: Um…
America: BOOM! *shoots Germany in the gut*
Russia: Aight muddafucka! Ima take this bitch.
America: Go for it.
Germany: Oh shi…
Russia: *CURBSTOMP!*
America: Who wants some?
Japan: Meep!
America: BOOM! *shoots Japan in the face* BOOM! *Aaaand again*
Russia: Right on.
America: *Punches Russia in the mouth*
Russia: The fuck?
America: I’m in a fightin’ mood now. Killed the Nazis, now I’ll take out the commies. I said I’m gonna kill fuckin’ everybody and I meant it.
England: This can’t be good. *munches spam for like… the next forty years*

April 10, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment