The Return of Jack Collier
A Jack Collier Story
By Brett N. Lashuay
A quick catch up: Jack Collier is still in a coma, after being shot by Jill Piper at the end of Jack and Jill. While we were waiting to see what would become of him, his secretary Debbie told us a surprising story which changed how we’d look at him and his past. We begin with Jack’s fate still very much in question as we begin…
These white people, they refuse to integrate. They go to South Africa, can’t even speak the language*. They even bitch about the local customs like the Vuvuzela** instead of embracing the land they’ve decided to visit. They should be sent back where they come from.
*Yes, I know one of the languages is English, but let’s face it, no one from either America, Australia or The UK speaks it very well these days and none of them speak it like the locals do. Also, be fair, no one actually speaks The Queen’s English very well. Mostly because she keeps changing the rules! Cause that’s how Lizzy 2 rolls mutha fucka! Can’t nobody tell Beth twice how to speak her language, right? She can just, like, say what she feels? And if people don’t like it, then like whateva. She’ll just tell you to fuck off cause she’s like The Queen and shit! Ya know? Don’t fuck with Big E, she will get Phil Dog to bust a cap in yo ass.
**Yes, I am once again refusing to hate something just because the internet told me to.
This video just gave me an idea…
The reasons video game movies suck, are the same reasons most movie novelizations suck. Going from the new media and asking to down grade it to the old media is a bad idea. It doesn’t seem to work properly. You can start from a book and turn it into a movie or a video game, but turning a video game into a movie or book just doesn’t work as well. It can work, but it rarely actually does unless you take away a lot of the things that make it a game and turn it into something that’s almost unrecognizable. I seems you can dumb a concept down, but you can’t really smarten it up without adding on huge amounts of scaffolding.
Partly it’s because if you make a game into a movie, you end up with a B-Movie. Do a death-per-minute count on a game sometime and see what sorts of movies match up to those numbers. It’ll either be a war movie or something direct to video. I’m not saying that this makes games bad, just that they’re not movies and shouldn’t try to be. It’s a separate art form (and it is an art form Mr. Ebert) that follows a different set of rules. We don’t expect a movie to conform to the rules of painting, and I don’t think we should try to make video games conform to the rules of movies.