I'll come up with something in a minute.

We can’t ban guns yet, some politicians are still alive.

I really hate election years.

So, I was sleeping right. Actually sleeping. In bed and everything. I was having a wonderful sleep for four glorious hours… when the doorbell rings. I decide it must be some delivery and try to go back to sleep. But then the bell rings again, and AGAIN! Must be a package I need to sign for. So I rush down stairs, if only to stop the swinging and the ringing of the bells, bells, bells. Of the bells, bells, bells, bells!

So I get down stairs, and what do I see? Some jackass who wants to be county commissioner. Now the guy can clearly see me, in my torn t-shirt, my pajama pants, my hair going in 937 different directions and my eyes which are clearly resenting this being open bullshit. So the guy sees me and I know he does because he apologizes for pulling me out of something.

Now, a human being would have said sorry, handed me a note, and walked away. This guys isn’t a human being though, he’s a republican. Well, former republican because he’s running as an independent. I guess the party chose a tea-bagger who has seen the inside of more prisons than I’ve seen the inside of gummi bear bags. I know, because he told me. He told me many things over the course of the next seven hours as he talked and talked, and talked and talked and talked. An endless stream of stats and promises and the rolling and tolling of the bells. Of the bells, bells, bells; of the bells, bells, bells, bells!

Now you may ask, why I didn’t just tell him to piss off, or slam the door in his face. Well, I had just been woken up and it honestly didn’t occur to me. What was occurring to me was that the closet with the weapons was right next to me. I could have opened the door a crack, grabbed the tire thumper and let him know how I felt. That seemed like too much effort though. I thought he’d be done soon, but he kept going on and on and on.

So he left eventually and I was allowed to go back to bed, but of course sleep was beyond me at that point. This happened hours ago, but I had to sit and weep for a while about having a nice sleep spoiled and then consider my vengeance. This is all I could come up with.

If you vote for Will Molnar for Oakland County Commissioner, he will ruin your sleep and probably rape your pets. I suspect he’s probably the sort of person who read Twilight as well, so fuck him.

June 3, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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