I'll come up with something in a minute.

New Story Idea!

My next story will be The Surprising Adventures of Messers H.G. Wells, H.P. Lovecraft* and H.R. Pufnstuf. They will simple call each other by their middle intial. Each will be known a G, R, and P and together they will form a Recording Company for the production of gramophone records.

Their first hit will be sung by Queen Victoria and Jack The Ripper. It will be a song about murdering a menstruating Canadian prostitute and will be entitled “Bloody Maple Leaf on the Rag” and of course it will have a rap cover made by Billy The Kid and Long John Silver despite them not living remotely near each other in time or location**.

The story won’t really get started until a gaggle of girls from Georgian and Regency fiction descend upon the group, demanding to be made superstars so they can all marry men named Darcy. The girls becoming glamour models will lead to great social changes, but they still won’t have the right to vote or anything. Don’t be silly. Entranced by their beauty, partisan groups will gather under different bullshit explanations until the fabled battle between Pirates and Ninjas is fought out once and for all atop a steam powered airship flying over Victorian London or possibly Napoleonic Paris and maybe both!***

In the end, the course of history will strangely not be irrevocably changed, and all the big historical events will go on as the history books say they have despite the effect these story elements must surely have caused to not only this but other timelines as well.

I intend to call the book “Fuck you Steampunk! Fuck you right in the ass!” and am currently looking to shop it around for both comic books and movies. Comics must please only be submitted in the brown and gold spectrum. Film studios must make sure they are not in anyway reputable and the more greenscreen and crappy CGI effects you offer, the more of my attention you will have.

EDIT: I forgot the most important part. About 80% of the book will actually just be William Hutchinson’s great work, A Treatise on Practical Seamanship with the bits I’ve mentioned slipped in.

*Side note: For someone so convinced of the mastery of the white race, Lovecraft was one UGLY motherfucker. Seriously, he looks like a frog person or something.
**The fact that Silver is actually fictional won’t even be addressed because my head hurts enough already.
***Depending on my mood at the moment.

September 21, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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