I'll come up with something in a minute.

A book I didn’t like

I remember the first time I really hated the main character of a story. I didn’t care about the book Island of the Blue Dolphins, but I didn’t hate it or the main character. I also remember the book having a pace that made it feel like reading all of Proust in one volume, despite it’s low page count. I just didn’t want to read the book and elected not to finish the stupid thing. I felt guilty about it at first, but then we were shown the movie any and I discovered that there was indeed something worse than reading that book. I didn’t hate it though, I just didn’t care.

No, the story I genuinely hated was Jack London’s To Build a Fire. I really hated that story and that character. In fact, I wanted him to die. I remember quite clearly, being 11 and thinking “People this stupid don’t deserve fire! If you gave him fire, he’d just burn himself anyway.” And then of course, a page or two later, he sets himself on fire! A life long hatred of Jack London started right there and then. There is a difference between a story following the natural progression and boring the reader so bad they start predicting the rest of the tale.

I really, really, REALLY wish that someone had come to me at about age 10 or12 and said “Listen kid, London? Sucks! Steinbeck? Sucks! Hemmingway? Sucks, blows, felches and swallows! Look kid, this is The Maltese Falcon by a guy named Dashiell Hammett.” You know, as opposed to boring me to death with bits of shit no one in their right mind would ever read. The sort of things that no one would touch if they weren’t so fucking worthy.

I sort of think that’s why so many of my generation decided not to read, they were utterly turned off by the shit we were handed in school to read. If I didn’t know that there were better books in the world by 9th grade, I myself would have never read anything ever again after Gentlehands for fear of having to read something so fucking stupid ever again in life. I really, really hated that book. If anyone had assigned The Thin Man or Farewell, My Lovely instead… those would have been much needed revelations. I’m all for variety, but we didn’t have any in our schools. Worthy book after worthy book. Important story after important story, with enjoyment being looked down upon as something to be shunned.

I do understand that part of the problem is that some asshole of a parent would have bitched and moaned if we read anything even slightly interesting. Interesting books tend to have sex, murders, crimes, velociraptors or zombies in them and parents think their precious little hell spawns are the most innocent of creatures and have never even said the word “darn” much less “cunt-fucker” and desperately want them not to have access to anything beyond The Poky Little Puppy, but a teacher could have noticed my constant complaints about the garbage we were being told to read and suggested something that didn’t suck shit out of a dead donkey’s ass through a garden hose. No, I didn’t quite use those words… I suggested a crazy straw at the time, but upon reflection, it probably would be too narrow.

October 9, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Extra Life Plea

You want to talk about being behind? Syd’s doing her Extra Life thing again this year and I totally blanked on boosting her signal. So I copy, pasted and here is what she said…

My former donation team isn’t around this year, the core members having graduated college, so I almost missed Extra Life coming up! Looks like I’ll be soloing this year, but I still want to participate.

What is Extra Life, you may ask? It’s a video game marathon to support Texas Children’s Hospital and pediatric cancer research. It works something like a walkathon — you donate to “sponsor” me, and on October 16, I play video games for 24 hours straight (with, y’know, bathroom breaks and occasional food so as to not die or anything). All proceeds go directly to Texas Children’s Hospital, with no handling/maintenance fees.

Here is a link to my donation page — please donate today! They “recommend” a sponsorship of $24, but you can donate any amount.

Kick her some funds yo! If we make the goal, I won’t send Vienna to eat your faces off. She’ll do it too! She might even if we make our goal, but I won’t have sent her and she’d be doing it of her own volition at that point.

October 9, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment