I'll come up with something in a minute.

VEWPRF ALERT!

Hanukkah starts today.

So… um… do something Jewish!

I wish the boy were here, he knows all about this stuff.

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December 1, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

Give a girl a gun this VEWPRF

I have a serious problem with how toys are marketed along expected gender lines. I was never one for playing with dolls or Easy Bake Ovens*, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be pandered to once in a while. Why shouldn’t a boy get to play with dollies and run play vacuum cleaners if that’s what he wants to do? Oh, I know, he might turn out gay. Well, folks, here’s the big secret. If he’s gay, he’s gay. You don’t actually turn your boy queer with a toy anymore than you can turn him straight with football. Actually, come to think of it, football would probably make him even more gay. I mean really… guys in tight pants rolling around on the ground, slapping each other’s asses. Seriously, could a love of football scream FAG any louder? I’m getting needlessly off track here.

I’m not going to bitch about advertisements, because there is no point. Those people are simply responding to market forces. If their research shows that girls buy things marketed to girls and boys buy things marketed to boys, who are you to call them wrong? There is something you can do about it though, don’t fall for their bullshit. Just because there are only boys in the Nerf Dart Blaster commercial is no reason you have to take them at their word. You can buy that for your daughter. Likewise, there is nothing stopping you from getting your son a Dirt Devil Junior, no matter what gender is in the ad.

What’s my solution? Buy your little girl an official Daisy Red Ryder 70th Anniversary Edition BB gun air rifle AND a Baby Alive Doll. Show her how to use both and let her make up her own damn mind. Let her know that if she wants to shoot plate out of the air while firing off the hip, that you’d prefer she use paper plates and not the best china. Like wise, give your son a play cooking set as well as a GI Joe action figure pack. Again, let them make up their own minds about what they want to play with. Some boys would have killed for a play kitchen… just sayin’.

If you let kids just get on with things, they’ll work it out for themselves. Yes, one of the two gifts will probably end up collecting dust, you just pay attention and adjust accordingly. So long as you let the kids know that they can have whatever toys they think they want, then things will go smoothly. Also, don’t get your kids a Brats fake laptop. Just get yourself a new laptop and let them use your old one. I mean… damn! My nephew had his mother’s iPad worked out before she got it out of the box. Kids know computers and you need to get them using one as soon as possible. Get them the real thing as soon as you can. I know I was talking about play kitchens a moment ago, but I would really suggest buying them a set of pans and pots that are just theirs to use and show them how to use the kitchen safely.

Now, I know what you’re wondering. You’re saying “That’s all nice and good, but what about when Grandma/Aunt Mertle/My Parents/whoever the fuck else starts complaining about me not forcing my child to play with toys approved for their gender assigned rolls?” Well, what I say to you is that there is a reason Mr. Ruger invented the Mark III. YEP! I’m stepping right over saying things like “Please don’t assign your idea of gender roles to my child” and going right for firearms. Why? Because fuck those people! I’m sick of their shit and I’ve never liked them anyway. Open fire, that’s what I say. Yes, it’s a .22, but you’re only going to shoot them in the knee. It’s VEWPRF, we don’t want to spoil it by killing anyone. Besides, you get close enough and you can shoot their eye out and kill them. Why should you have to put up with other people’s homophobia? Fuck ’em, let ’em know there are consequences to their bullshit. The sooner they learn you are NOT fucking around, the easier you’ll find the holidays to be.

*I love to cook and always have, I just never wanted to bake half a cookie over a lightbulb when I could just make cookies in the real live oven in the kitchen. When you can cook at the age of five and get to use real Difficult Bake Ovens, the lightbulb variety leaves much to be desired. I suppose this proves my point for me in a way though.

December 1, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment