I'll come up with something in a minute.

Just to Prove I’m not Mad at You

I’m not mad at you, but we must have these talks from time to time.

Let’s have us a nice set of photos, shall we?

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December 14, 2010 Posted by | Photo | , | Leave a comment

We say “Happy Holidays” because there’s more than one.

Ah, once again we get the Bad Christians whining like they’re somehow a persecuted minority in this nation. American Family Association Goes After Chase Over Lack Of Christmas Trees. Which is interesting, because the tree is a Pagan symbol. The problem is, forced civilities tend to be less welcome than none at all really. You can sense the resentment when they’re forced.

In fact, as I saw a sign saying “Merry CHIRSTmas” today, let’s get into this shall we? I won’t go the Marcus Bridgestock route and list all the things that make our country a predominantly Christian nation and ask what it’ll take for these people to stop their fucking whining. I instead have a different area I wish to expose to the light. Yes, it does have something to do with the phrase Vague Early Winter Possibly Religious Festival, why do you ask?

Christmas is a religious holiday. FULL STOP!
Anyone who claims it is anything besides a religious festival is either lying to you or so woefully misinformed that you should pay attention to absolutely nothing that they say. Christmas is a celebration of a person that is (if you follow the mythology) the savior of all mankind. A savior who preached humility, tolerance, poverty and love for your fellow man BTW. I know most Christians have never actually opened a bible, so I need to tell them what’s in it, apologies if you’re one of the 2% of Christians who actually knows what the fuck it is your religion believes. The point is, that Christmas should be kept in the home and in the church, what with it being a religious thing and Jesus having that whole “Don’t worship in public like those douchebag Pharisees do. God, those fuckers piss me off.”* thing going on.

Christmas is not a secular celebration, not in anyway. It is a RELIGIOUS celebration and nothing more. Nothing we do during December, outside of a church, celebrates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth in any way, shape, or form. I think Christians who want to celebrate CHRISTmas, are going to have to do so while adhering to Christian policies and only things that are held within the religion. They cannot follow Pagan beliefs, or perform Pagan Rites and Rituals. To use an old cliché, it’s sort of against your religion. Anyone who claims history, tradition or anything besides a religious faith is a lying son of a bitch and you have my permission to punch them in the crotch.

Now, there might be an argument to be had about the old pagan rites. I mean, most people put out lights without understanding how the extra lights are to call back the sun or that the bells are to chase off evil spirits. Without understanding, does the practice still count? This is the empty temple question, or perhaps the empty gesture one. It would be an interesting question to try and answer, but it doesn’t change the fundamental fact that there are still Pagans around and all these things are part of their belief and celebration system. If you do these things and you are not a Pagany type person, this is frankly as offensive as someone engaging in faux cannibalism and vampirism while claiming that the bread and wine have no meaning and it’s just fun to pretend it’s flesh and blood. I’m being absolutely serious here. If you want to get all high horse about it, if you want to get offended, I’ll get offensive.

Here are a list of things a good Christian no can has, because they is teh Pagans things!

Red & Green ANYTHING
(that is soooooo fucking Pagan)
Anthropomorphic Cookies
Other kinds of cookies
Drunken Debauchery
Sober Debauchery
Huge meals made mostly of meat
Huge Fires
Hot girl on girl/man on man action
Other things that end in ‘olly
Talking snowmen
Talking Animals
(not connected to this holiday, but it is a Pagan based pass time)
Wreaths. You REALLY can’t have wreaths! There are about five different levels on which you most defiantly no can has!
Santa Claus OH YES MY DEARS! You can have St. Nicholas, but only on St. Nicholas day and you have to be Catholic because otherwise you are venerating a saint and it tends to be a sin to venerate Saints for anyone but the Catholics. Also, St Nick can’t fly, wear a red suit, consume milk or cookies (I mean Seriously! What the fuck? You leave offerings? Do you have any conception of how fucking Pagan that shit is?) come in statue or drawing form, leave gifts (If you’re Catholic, he can, in your shoe) or have elves. These are all so severally representative of Pagan beliefs that I have a hard time understanding why people who pretend only to believe in one great power allow each other to get away with this shit.

You can have music, because I’m not insisting you become Calvinists, but that’s about it. Practically everything is a hold over or reintroduction of old Pagan practices. Sorry, but it’s so. Besides, Christianity is preached a faith of humility, and through much of their history, as one of poverty or at least austerity. So let’s see some austerity and humility, fuckers. Seriously, I feel bad for the few good Christians I know. Partly because I feel compelled to insert “Few good” and partly because groups like this don’t help. I’ve also noticed that the good Christians I know are as offended by the AFA as I am, because they understand that the way you celebrate the birth of someone like Jesus is in trying to sort of be like him.

If you want to be nice, and play in our reindeer games (Oh yeah, can’t have reindeer) you could always calm down and join the rest of us in our merry and gleeful Vague Early Winter Possibly Religious Festival or as some like to call it “The Holidays” which does sort of requires twinkling text and/or jazz hands. It does rather depend on you understanding that some people don’t like having Christ shoved in their face and you do have to stop being such dickheads. You’ll need to understand that non-Christians have had it forced on them for sometime and at this point, they’re a little resentful about the whole Jesus thing. Also, stop beating people up for saying something besides Merry Christmas, because that is just douchebag behavior.

The Pagans are, and always have been, willing to let anyone come share in their celebrations. Most the Pagans I know (not all, but most) don’t much care what god you follow and are just happy to have you at the table. If you get offended at the phrase “Happy Holidays”, well I’m sorry, but there are several at this time of year. I’ve covered this many, many times and I’m not going to go over it all again. Suffice to say, I’ve never found a society that didn’t have some celebration going on ‘round about the third week in December. All it requires is for people to stop acting like douchebags.

“Happy Holidays”

I love that sparkle text, it’s like Jazz Hands for words.

*Generals 2:15:26

December 14, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment

5 Things (Secret Confession Edition)

#1. I have never owned a pair of pinking shears, and I never want to.

#2. I like exactly two musicals. The Muppet Movies don’t count because you could take those sogns away and not hurt the narrative of the story.

#3. I am entranced with historical figures like Charles VI of France. I like him because he was so crazy that he thought he was made of glass. I read a historical account once that Chuckie there kept a glass maker around for a while so that if his head borke the glassier could repair it or make another one. I like my royals crazy.

#4. There was a time when I would shamelessly eat Cracker Jack. These days, I don’t like it so much. Besides, the prize has sucked for years.

#5. I’ve been known to feed strays. Both the animal and the human kinds.

December 14, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment