I'll come up with something in a minute.

The Venus of Willendorf in cookie form!

Venus of Willendorf… in cookie form!

And her male counterpart.

December 18, 2010 Posted by | Photo | | Leave a comment

Open Letter to The Pope

Dear Pope,

I will not be lectured on morality by someone who absolutely refuses to stop molesting children no matter how many times we yell at him. As a massive supporter of child molestation, you are as guilty of the crime as any priest who actually blew a load all over a four year old. Actually, since you threatened and browbeat the children to stop them from testifying, going so far as to tell them that they’d go to hell if they ever talked about it, you’re even worse. You victimized the children again, and as such are a loathsome little fuckwad.

Everyone picks and chooses their own morals. As far as I can tell, the church chooses not to have any morals. For example, I think murder is wrong, the church you represent thinks it’s okay in many, many, many, many circumstances.

In short, fuck off until you stop being a huge fucking hypocrite.

December 18, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Rankin & Bass’s Sin City


December 18, 2010 Posted by | Photo | , | Leave a comment

Six To Eight Blackmen – A story of Santa Claus

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

All in one mp3. (not a .rar file)

December 18, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Like Oscar, I hate Christmas

Why do songs like Just 3 Letters for Christmas exist? Hey kids, it’s The Holidays, so let’s make you feel as bad as possible!

Have a listen to the fucking thing…

OH FUCK YOU CHRISTMAS! Fuck you right in the ear. Fuck you forever! Can we PLEASE, PLEASE BAN THIS HOLIDAY? Let’s just get rid of the whole thing if it’s going to cause fucking songs like this bullshit! FUCK YOU! Fuck your passive aggressive, shouldn’t you call your poor old crippled maw dog shit! I am so fucking sick of people using holidays like this to make me feel bad, and I’m sick to death of emotional blackmail. Fuck Christmas, I hope the world goes atheist Dec 23rd and avoids the whole thing! Fuck the guy who wrote this, I hope his kids really did avoid him on the The Holidays out of spite and disgust.

Fuck it, you know what else exists?

Just a Little Christmas Blowjob

Okay, that’s kind of funny.

Here, read this, it’s also funny. And pictures, mustn’t forget the pictures.

December 17, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Gift packs from The Movies

Well friends, The Holidays are upon us once again and many people don’t know what to get their loved ones. Worse yet, times being what they are, many people can’t afford much. HOWEVER! As always, I have a solution. Why not go to the movies, not as a gift, but as an inspiration for gift giving ideas. Films and TV are filled with examples of people shopping on a budget. Just put together one of these packages and give them either to one single loved one or to the group to show your cleverness. This will make iut the best VEWPRF ever! If it works, I should totally get the credit.

Homer Simpson’s Gift Basket
These are what Homer got the family (Dog not included)
Pack of Panty Hose (six pack is best)
Pack of Legal Pads (Three of these)
Pork Chop Dog Toy
Bird House (It was in the tree)

A Christmas Story
Taken both from the movie and from the original story, these are things Ralph got for his family and one thing Ralph got.
Toy Zeppelin
Container of Simoniz
String of fake pearls
Red Ryder BB gun

Miracle on 34th Street
Things given by Kris
Official NFL Football Helmet
Fire Engine that squirts
X-Ray Machine

It’s a Wonderful Life
Oh you know where this is going…
Zuzu’s Petals

And for those of you who are into counter programming…
Jason Bourne Gift Package
He gives them to people! These are gifts!
Pall Point Pen (for stabbing)
Magazine (for rolling up into club)
Bottle of Vodka (improvised mace & disinfectant)
Copy of The Parkour and Freerunning Handbook (for doing all that free running stuff)

December 16, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Helen Hokinson

Helen Hokinson was a cartoonist for the New Yorker during the 30s and 40s. Her stule was the sort of slice of life stuff that The New Yorker valued in those days, primarily centered on women. She specialized in plump, middle aged, wealthy women. Here are a couple of examples of her work…
Continue reading

December 16, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Update from Fancy

Boy: Still Missing
Dead Ninjas: Still on Floor. Still Stink
Christmas: CANCELED (per Request from one S. Claus)
Suggested Action: Watch This

December 15, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Just to Prove I’m not Mad at You

I’m not mad at you, but we must have these talks from time to time.

Let’s have us a nice set of photos, shall we?

Continue reading

December 14, 2010 Posted by | Photo | , | Leave a comment

We say “Happy Holidays” because there’s more than one.

Ah, once again we get the Bad Christians whining like they’re somehow a persecuted minority in this nation. American Family Association Goes After Chase Over Lack Of Christmas Trees. Which is interesting, because the tree is a Pagan symbol. The problem is, forced civilities tend to be less welcome than none at all really. You can sense the resentment when they’re forced.

In fact, as I saw a sign saying “Merry CHIRSTmas” today, let’s get into this shall we? I won’t go the Marcus Bridgestock route and list all the things that make our country a predominantly Christian nation and ask what it’ll take for these people to stop their fucking whining. I instead have a different area I wish to expose to the light. Yes, it does have something to do with the phrase Vague Early Winter Possibly Religious Festival, why do you ask?

Christmas is a religious holiday. FULL STOP!
Anyone who claims it is anything besides a religious festival is either lying to you or so woefully misinformed that you should pay attention to absolutely nothing that they say. Christmas is a celebration of a person that is (if you follow the mythology) the savior of all mankind. A savior who preached humility, tolerance, poverty and love for your fellow man BTW. I know most Christians have never actually opened a bible, so I need to tell them what’s in it, apologies if you’re one of the 2% of Christians who actually knows what the fuck it is your religion believes. The point is, that Christmas should be kept in the home and in the church, what with it being a religious thing and Jesus having that whole “Don’t worship in public like those douchebag Pharisees do. God, those fuckers piss me off.”* thing going on.

Christmas is not a secular celebration, not in anyway. It is a RELIGIOUS celebration and nothing more. Nothing we do during December, outside of a church, celebrates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth in any way, shape, or form. I think Christians who want to celebrate CHRISTmas, are going to have to do so while adhering to Christian policies and only things that are held within the religion. They cannot follow Pagan beliefs, or perform Pagan Rites and Rituals. To use an old cliché, it’s sort of against your religion. Anyone who claims history, tradition or anything besides a religious faith is a lying son of a bitch and you have my permission to punch them in the crotch.

Now, there might be an argument to be had about the old pagan rites. I mean, most people put out lights without understanding how the extra lights are to call back the sun or that the bells are to chase off evil spirits. Without understanding, does the practice still count? This is the empty temple question, or perhaps the empty gesture one. It would be an interesting question to try and answer, but it doesn’t change the fundamental fact that there are still Pagans around and all these things are part of their belief and celebration system. If you do these things and you are not a Pagany type person, this is frankly as offensive as someone engaging in faux cannibalism and vampirism while claiming that the bread and wine have no meaning and it’s just fun to pretend it’s flesh and blood. I’m being absolutely serious here. If you want to get all high horse about it, if you want to get offended, I’ll get offensive.

Here are a list of things a good Christian no can has, because they is teh Pagans things!

Red & Green ANYTHING
(that is soooooo fucking Pagan)
Anthropomorphic Cookies
Other kinds of cookies
Drunken Debauchery
Sober Debauchery
Huge meals made mostly of meat
Huge Fires
Hot girl on girl/man on man action
Other things that end in ‘olly
Talking snowmen
Talking Animals
(not connected to this holiday, but it is a Pagan based pass time)
Wreaths. You REALLY can’t have wreaths! There are about five different levels on which you most defiantly no can has!
Santa Claus OH YES MY DEARS! You can have St. Nicholas, but only on St. Nicholas day and you have to be Catholic because otherwise you are venerating a saint and it tends to be a sin to venerate Saints for anyone but the Catholics. Also, St Nick can’t fly, wear a red suit, consume milk or cookies (I mean Seriously! What the fuck? You leave offerings? Do you have any conception of how fucking Pagan that shit is?) come in statue or drawing form, leave gifts (If you’re Catholic, he can, in your shoe) or have elves. These are all so severally representative of Pagan beliefs that I have a hard time understanding why people who pretend only to believe in one great power allow each other to get away with this shit.

You can have music, because I’m not insisting you become Calvinists, but that’s about it. Practically everything is a hold over or reintroduction of old Pagan practices. Sorry, but it’s so. Besides, Christianity is preached a faith of humility, and through much of their history, as one of poverty or at least austerity. So let’s see some austerity and humility, fuckers. Seriously, I feel bad for the few good Christians I know. Partly because I feel compelled to insert “Few good” and partly because groups like this don’t help. I’ve also noticed that the good Christians I know are as offended by the AFA as I am, because they understand that the way you celebrate the birth of someone like Jesus is in trying to sort of be like him.

If you want to be nice, and play in our reindeer games (Oh yeah, can’t have reindeer) you could always calm down and join the rest of us in our merry and gleeful Vague Early Winter Possibly Religious Festival or as some like to call it “The Holidays” which does sort of requires twinkling text and/or jazz hands. It does rather depend on you understanding that some people don’t like having Christ shoved in their face and you do have to stop being such dickheads. You’ll need to understand that non-Christians have had it forced on them for sometime and at this point, they’re a little resentful about the whole Jesus thing. Also, stop beating people up for saying something besides Merry Christmas, because that is just douchebag behavior.

The Pagans are, and always have been, willing to let anyone come share in their celebrations. Most the Pagans I know (not all, but most) don’t much care what god you follow and are just happy to have you at the table. If you get offended at the phrase “Happy Holidays”, well I’m sorry, but there are several at this time of year. I’ve covered this many, many times and I’m not going to go over it all again. Suffice to say, I’ve never found a society that didn’t have some celebration going on ‘round about the third week in December. All it requires is for people to stop acting like douchebags.

“Happy Holidays”

I love that sparkle text, it’s like Jazz Hands for words.

*Generals 2:15:26

December 14, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment