I'll come up with something in a minute.

Oh shut the musical fuck up

Today I saw Rebecca Black’s “Friday” and WOW! That’s a vapid, stupid, childish song. Why hasn’t anyone killed her for not writing a song about the horrors of Darfur? Seriously! I don’t know if you know this, but pop music is SERIOUS! FUCKIN’! BUSINESS!

It must be, because everyone, but everyone is calling this the worst pop song EVAR! And why shouldn’t they? Wait, what’s that? It’s written by a 13 year old girl? GOD FUCKING DAMNIT! KILL HER NOW! Everyone knows that thirteen year old girls are expected to talk about the most weighty and important of topics. No one would ever suspect that a thirteen year old might not have a grasp of more important subjects than this. I mean really, she’s 13, where is her deep and personal story about being raped by the neighbor’s dog on the night of her senior prom? Oh, right, SHE’S ONLY THIRTEEN! She hasn’t been raped by the neighbor’s dog and she isn’t old enough to have had her senior prom.

Seriously, shut the ever loving fuck up. You sound like a bunch of old cunts stand on your porch, waving your colostomy bags, telling kids with their syncopated rhythms and lack of respect for their elders (no matter how fucking stupid they are) to get off your lawn. You don’t just sound old, you sound old, stupid and out of touch. It’s clearly singing for another generation that wants to hear that sort of thing. Everyone does autotune these days, guys. Didn’t Britney get a Grammy for autotuning up the ass?

I’ll admit, I don’t love the song, but then I’m also no fan of The Bieber or much of anything else floating around the mainstream recently. The last new thing I liked was Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson. The point is that music like this is aimed at a specific category, sorry if that category isn’t you. Get over it, The Kids (of which YOU are not longer a member) are into different things. People bitching about this sound like the assholes who complain about Twilight because “How dare some bitch steal vampires and werewolves from guys?”

Now, I’ll grant I don’t actually like the song. I think it’s kind of crap. However, I’m old enough to be this girl’s father, and as a result I don’t need to like it. I’ve got Prince, Catie Curtis and Acoustic Alchemy (which is a combo that has caused people’s head to pop) so I don’t really need this sort of thing. I’ll admit though this is a fairly inane song, with some amazingly stupid lyrics…

HOWEVER!

You know what else sounds stupid? You know what other song has lyrics that sound inane and moronic?

THIS!

Yeah, I fuckin’ said it. Stupid, inane, full of the sort of idiotic claptrap that I’ve always hated in pop music. And by the way, the tune SUCKS!

In fact, I tell you what. Go find the Billboard Charts for any of the last 50-60 years. NOW! Find me a year when something vapid and stupid WASN’T in the top ten. I tried, I couldn’t find any. in 1993, Whoomp! (There It Is) by Tag Team was number two, Runaway Train by Soul Asylum was 22! The year before, Nirvana’s Smells Like Teen Spirit came in at #32 and End Of The Road by Boyz II Men was #1.

So if it won’t hurt your geriatric knees too much, could you climb off your high fucking horse? If you don’t like the song, fine, neither do I, but could we PLEASE stop pretending like this is the end of music as we know it? Music ended on February 3, 1959 when it died in a plane crash with The Big Bopper. OR! It didn’t die at all and still goes on and who gives a fuck if this song or that song tickles your G spot? You like a song, listen to it, you don’t? Well as George Carlin once mentioned a radio has two knobs on it, one turns it off and the other one changes the station.

I’m seriously fucking sick of listening to man-children complain because the world moved on and is pandering to people younger than them. It’s not all about you, and there is going to be a lot of things that are popular that you won’t like. You should have learned this back in Jr. High. I know I sure as fuck did. Grow the fuck up and get on with your fucking lives.

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March 15, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized |

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