I'll come up with something in a minute.

Just saying… rapture edition

This whole rapture business has made me want to start screaming something at Christians. The phrase, “Take a good, long, hard look at your religion” has been springing to my lips. Because seriously, that shit is kind of fucked up from an outsiders’ point of view.

I mean, only 3% of Christians are expected to be taken up in the rapture. That says to me that no matter how good you try to be, how strong your faith, you will never, ever be good enough. You signed up with the most judgmental prick in the universe, an over-powered busy body who wipes out all life because man is somehow “wicked” and he gets pissed about that. I mean, have you ever read the list of things at are an abomination unto Nuggan? Stupid shit, shit that don’t matter to nobody but this so-called god and the silly rules lawyers who quote him. What you eat, if you shave, mixing fabrics, who you fuck… shit that ain’t no body’s business, not even the gods. These aren’t rules for a good life, these are bullshit micromanaging laws to make sure you are kept in line by an office sociopath. I mean what kind of holy writ is this? It is a sin to be cool.

Second! Okay, gonna cheat but, this comic perfectly defines my second problem really. So, really? Pain, penury and persecution are the road to faith? You guys have heard about enjoying yourself, right? I mean, a mature god doesn’t tear your whole life apart just so you can prove to someone else how much you love them. If this were a relationship, people would tell you that you’re dating a psycho and you need to leave them… like now. Don’t pack, don’t tell him, run! Before he kills the firstborns… again!

Seriously, you want a god in your life, go pagan. They have cookies, some of them literally have devotional cookies*. Just for a moment, let’s compare the two. Pain, misery, arrogance of leaders, and the constant torment that the one time you frenched Suzie Jenkins on a dare in fourth grade (before you learned what frenching actually is) will damn you forever on the one side. On the other side, cookies, wine, sex, and a god who generally only fucks your shit up if you piss them off personally by burning one of their temples or killing their kid or something. Also, pagans rarely, if ever, go around claiming that the world is going to end on a set day just to get attention.

I’m just saying it might be time to take a good, hard look at your religion and ask yourself if maybe you should compare with what others are doing.

Just saying.

*Technically, they’re little cakes, but they’re really good cakes.

May 23, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment