I'll come up with something in a minute.

I got your rape culture right here. (Or: A Time I Got Annoyed About a Compliment)

About… ten maybe even fifteen years ago, I went somewhere and spent some time with some people. The details are cloudy, except for this one girl. She was nice, cute, and things progressed to the state of making out. Things got mildly frisky, because things often do, but not to the point where leaving the couch for a more private setting became an issue. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sleep with her, but I wasn’t against the idea. She was sort of sure though. At least she was sure that she didn’t want to advance to that stage just yet. So, a classic request “Can we slow down a bit” goes out.

Now there are two responses to that, either you slow down to a level of comfort in hopes of warming her up some more, or you disengage and look for other prospects. I was on the fence, as I said, so I slowed down, but didn’t abandon the girl or anything. She was nice, I was fine, things didn’t need progressing. Now some guys might try to turn on an ounce of pressure, hoping to break down walls, but I didn’t do that. I just went with her pace and we cuddled and made out slightly.

So far, so hoopy. Nothing happened, but I was fine with that. Later, Syd tells me that this girl talked to her and was impressed that I was so kind, understanding, and accommodating. I didn’t try to pressure her, or do anything that would be considered ungallant. I have been ungallant in the past, and will be so again, but that time I was evidently the Baby Bear’s Bed of make-out partners. However, that sort of annoyed me.

Let’s think about this for a second. This girl went to my girlfriend and said “Hey! Your boyfriend didn’t even try to rape me! I’m so impressed! He’s a keeper!”

And friends, right there, that’s your rape culture. When a simple act of not trying to pressure someone into sex is thought to be so astounding that it’s worthy of meritous mention. It manifests itself in smaller ways, and bigger ways, but the fact that I backed off at the request to back off and adjusted my levels to suit her needs was evidently something out of Amazing Tales and I should be on the cover getting attacked by some sort of Penis-Squid monster with a fishbowl on its head… it just annoyed me slightly. I wasn’t annoyed at the time, because it’s always useful to have a reputation as the guy you can feel safe with, but it annoys me that it’s that easy to be considered a safe smooch.

July 14, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized |

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