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Polyamory Q & A: Question 2

You can still ask questions here, or in the comments section of this post.

Here we are at the second question, we’re still doing questions I gathered from other places…

2. Aren’t you just being greedy having multiple girlfriends?

Yes, next question.

No! The question is flippant and the answer shall be as well!

Okay, I’ll answer for real. Greed is often brought up, and that might be part of it. It’s odd how many times I heard the phrase “But you have two girlfriends already” when I was flirting with someone (this was when I had two girlfriends btw) as if that was more than my fair share and what was I trying to do, cause a run on the market? It’s odd to me because… do you stop at three friends? Once you’ve got three buds, do you refuse to hang out with anyone new? No, because that’s silly. Well, it’s equally silly to me to just decide that I’m only going to love the one or possibly two people alone. I don’t see much of a difference between emotional and physical affection, which has caused problem s from time to time, but that’s another story. I love my cat too, and my parents, and I’ve got some friends who I care very deeply about. Those friends, I would categorize my feelings towards them as love.

Not passionate love, not romantic love, not friends with benefits love, but the sort of love that causes my heart to hurt when I see them in pain. I want to share their joy, diminish their pain, and be a part of their lives as much as I’m able. Now yes, some of these people I’m attracted to, but the situation isn’t possible or practicable so we keep it at friendship. But I would still call my feelings for them love, because that’s what it is. It would only take a small step, or a mutual level of attraction, or a change in situations, for us to gravitate towards a physical relationship and become lovers. Sometimes that happens, most times it doesn’t. However, I don’t need physical reaction to call my feelings love.

So no, not greedy, I just don’t confine my affection to a single entity. If I love someone, I want to love them fully. When those feelings are mutual, then things happen and a lover is added to the fold. The barrier between friend and lover is fuzzier for me, I suppose you could say. This is very much my own personal view, but then I can’t give you someone else’s view, ask them.

However, when you do, find a married person who is a parent. And then ask them if they love their spouse or their child. If they claim they love them both, I suggest you explain how that’s impossible. Since the greed issue claims I can’t really love more than one person. Also, how can you claim to have affection for corn chips when you’ve stated that love is a single point, zero sum game. Surely, if you love corn chips, then that’s less love for your partner, right? How can you even claim to like someone else, even a little, since that’s affection that should be spent on your partner? And you’re supposed to love them with ALL YOUR HEART! See? Once you start demanding I love someone with all my heart, when you make it an all or nothing event, you make it really easy to knock you down.

Greedy, please.

August 27, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Polyamory Q & A: Question 1

You can still ask questions here, or in the comments section of this post. Some of these answers will be longer than others, and not all of them where taken from readers. Plus, some of them will go off into tangents and I will be describing some hideous failures as well as successes. Be aware.

1. Isn’t it true that this is just a male fantasy vehicle? I mean, it’s mostly guys suggesting this, right?

Well, no. In my experience, it’s mostly women who suggest this sort of thing. I don’t know if it’s a success thing or what, but most the relationships where I asked who instigated or brought up the whole poly thing, most the time it comes down to a woman. Our own introduction to the idea as a defined thing came from someone who had the ulterior motive that if she got us into poly, she might be able to sleep with us. I’m not sure if it’s just the people I’ve talked to, because I have a few poly friends who I haven’t asked how they got started, but out of the ones I have asked, it’s been seven to one a woman introduced the idea.

Now, I’ll admit falling into it, but I’ll also admit that every time someone new has come along I’ve been the one to sit them down and explain the rules as it were. So I’m sort of the exception on this one? Of course, explaining rules and having rules isn’t enough. Clearly, you need to have regular meetings to make sure everyone understands the rules and that everyone’s understanding of the arrangement still agrees with everyone else’s understanding, otherwise you explode and spin out and almost die in a fiery crash that can be seen from space.

This happened to a friend of mine.

August 27, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment