I'll come up with something in a minute.

Polyamory Q&A: Question 4

4. Let’s go back to this Different People for Different Reasons thing…

That’s not a question, but okay. I like ice cream, you dig that? I also like Salt and Vinegar potato chips, you dig that? Okay, when I’m in the mood for ice cream, I go to the freezer and get some ice cream. When I want something salty and sour, I go to the pantry for the S&V chips, right? Okay! Now… Girlfriend #1 is a freezer and Girlfriend #2 is a pantry… and I just realized I am never getting laid every again… ever… too many fucking ellipses in this paragraph… I don’t care… I happen to like them and I think they give a nice Baroque feel to a… pation paragraph.

Sorry, what the hell was I talking about? Oh, right, food.

Sometimes the flavors mesh, ice cream and fresh berries go quite nicely together and make eating a delight. If you pour some hot caramel over them, and some whipped cream, and a couple of cute little cherries… then you’ll have to wash the bed sheets because that shit will get sticky. POINT IS! Flavors can mesh, and sometimes they can’t, but you can enjoy each as an individual thing and enjoying one does not detract from your enjoyment of the other. You can still love fresh strawberries, even if you also love ice cream. I don’t see the point in never eating a cherry again, just because I like strawberries a little more and I really don’t see the point of never having salt and vinegar chips again because I like strawberries as well.

Each person brings something new to the table, like a love of Shakespeare or in some cases, acid jazz. Syd likes outdoorsy stuff and the magic of nature, Holly didn’t. Hol liked Museums and Syd will tag along, but she can’t get enthusiastic about them. Syd likes video games and books with dragons on the cover, other girls like grunge music or cooking shows. I’m over simplifying, for the sake of making a model, but this could go on all night if I let it, but I won’t let it. The point is that I don’t need my one lover to be all things to me. I can have my other lover be the other things that the first lover is not. One can be gentle and understanding, the other can be frank and honest. It makes a good balance when it works, and you can build up a feedback loop of extra love that gets stored in little Coptic jars that have sexual positions on them instead of animal heads.

August 29, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

That’s logic

One could logically argue that a lack of butt-sex makes the Gods weak.

I’m not saying they’d be right, I’m saying that by using whatever passes for logic, they could make that argument.

The problem with logical arguments is that they always seem to follow a If A + B = C then logically, B+C must = D sort of path. It doesn’t matter if B+C would actually equal E, once you start following a “So that’s reasonable, right?” path, things can get twisted into non-sense quite quickly. This is particularly true if, like me, you failed algebra twice and never quite understood why all these letters were suddenly in math class. I always kind of thought I’d fallen asleep and was sleeping through English.

August 29, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Poly Questions: Behind the scenes

So, I wasn’t exactly asked, but an eyebrow was raised. Why am I writing essays on polyamory after not talking about it for such a long time? Did I meet someone? Am I gearing myself up to re-enter the market? Well, no, it’s not that. There’s another reason.

After the break-up, I kind of felt I had no right to talk about it. I’d been in successful, working relationship for a long time. Ours was the relationship that many people were pinning their dreams to. This was the one they knew about that was lasting and working, and I felt that people depended on me to tell them about how we were doing and what tips they might take away. Having things not work, and spin out and explode like that, the old ego took a hit.

Now, even though it’s just the two of us, we still define ourselves as a poly household. We’re just a poly house with only two members, because finding another person is hard when your shy and introverted and don’t have money to hit the clubs or fly to Wales and pick out a nice red haired girl right off the farm. Because I like the accent, that’s why Wales. Point is we’re still part of the community, as much as we ever were anyway. I’m not much of a group joiner and neither is Syd, so it becomes hard. Still though, poly people.

As a poly person, I still read some poly websites and look at some boards now and then. This is where these posts come in. Every time I see someone write some FAQ or answer questions from the audience, they always do it in a way that sounds… how do I put this? Very college liberal. They use technical terms, or they try to be very understanding about everyone’s feelings, or they talk like they’ve got degrees in behavioral psychology, or they talk in grand and lofty terms… none of them every actually talk like an honest to Fancy human. I almost never get these sense that these people have actually scrapped their knees or had anything ever happen to them. There is a calm, detached dishonesty to the whole thing. Like, they’re so interested in “can’t we all be rational” that they forget this is all about fucking.

What I found lacking was a distinct sense of honest to goodness “This is my story” sort of things. Now, it’s entirely possible I wasn’t looking in the right places. If I were more into being a community member, perhaps members of the online community could point me to the things I’ve been saying are missing, but that would require dealing with the sort of people who hang out in online communities, you know?

So I took some questions that I thought had unsuitable answers and then asked you, the audience, to suggest more questions to be answered. And I have diligently set about answering those questions as best and as honestly as I can. No extensive use of technical terms, no trying to reach a better field of understanding through pop-psych bullshit, just good old natural down home wisdom. Well, down home wisdom mixed with a startling intellect and an extensive understanding of history and how to use the word fuckmonkeys, but yeah. I wanted to see if I could cut through the bullshit and give you something honest.

I think I’ve managed pretty well. If I may toot my own horn a bit, I think The Tale of Kitty is one of the best explanations for how the basic mechanics of polyamory works that I’ve ever written. I’m really quite proud of that one. Either way, I’m enjoying the process and hey, writing again! That’s not a bad thing, right? Right? Hope so, I’ve got a few more questions to go. You can still ask your questions today! Either in this post, or in the comments section right here.

August 29, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment