I'll come up with something in a minute.

Poly Questions: Behind the scenes

So, I wasn’t exactly asked, but an eyebrow was raised. Why am I writing essays on polyamory after not talking about it for such a long time? Did I meet someone? Am I gearing myself up to re-enter the market? Well, no, it’s not that. There’s another reason.

After the break-up, I kind of felt I had no right to talk about it. I’d been in successful, working relationship for a long time. Ours was the relationship that many people were pinning their dreams to. This was the one they knew about that was lasting and working, and I felt that people depended on me to tell them about how we were doing and what tips they might take away. Having things not work, and spin out and explode like that, the old ego took a hit.

Now, even though it’s just the two of us, we still define ourselves as a poly household. We’re just a poly house with only two members, because finding another person is hard when your shy and introverted and don’t have money to hit the clubs or fly to Wales and pick out a nice red haired girl right off the farm. Because I like the accent, that’s why Wales. Point is we’re still part of the community, as much as we ever were anyway. I’m not much of a group joiner and neither is Syd, so it becomes hard. Still though, poly people.

As a poly person, I still read some poly websites and look at some boards now and then. This is where these posts come in. Every time I see someone write some FAQ or answer questions from the audience, they always do it in a way that sounds… how do I put this? Very college liberal. They use technical terms, or they try to be very understanding about everyone’s feelings, or they talk like they’ve got degrees in behavioral psychology, or they talk in grand and lofty terms… none of them every actually talk like an honest to Fancy human. I almost never get these sense that these people have actually scrapped their knees or had anything ever happen to them. There is a calm, detached dishonesty to the whole thing. Like, they’re so interested in “can’t we all be rational” that they forget this is all about fucking.

What I found lacking was a distinct sense of honest to goodness “This is my story” sort of things. Now, it’s entirely possible I wasn’t looking in the right places. If I were more into being a community member, perhaps members of the online community could point me to the things I’ve been saying are missing, but that would require dealing with the sort of people who hang out in online communities, you know?

So I took some questions that I thought had unsuitable answers and then asked you, the audience, to suggest more questions to be answered. And I have diligently set about answering those questions as best and as honestly as I can. No extensive use of technical terms, no trying to reach a better field of understanding through pop-psych bullshit, just good old natural down home wisdom. Well, down home wisdom mixed with a startling intellect and an extensive understanding of history and how to use the word fuckmonkeys, but yeah. I wanted to see if I could cut through the bullshit and give you something honest.

I think I’ve managed pretty well. If I may toot my own horn a bit, I think The Tale of Kitty is one of the best explanations for how the basic mechanics of polyamory works that I’ve ever written. I’m really quite proud of that one. Either way, I’m enjoying the process and hey, writing again! That’s not a bad thing, right? Right? Hope so, I’ve got a few more questions to go. You can still ask your questions today! Either in this post, or in the comments section right here.

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August 29, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

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