I'll come up with something in a minute.

Polyamory Q&A: Question 10

10. How do I know if poly is for me?

You don’t.

Yup, gonna be plain and simple at ya there. To give you just one example, you could be in a poly relationship for (let’s say) ten years and then suddenly decide during, the eleventh year, that this isn’t working anymore and you have to go. That has been known to happen on at least one occasion.

Conversely, you could live in a quite, button down, boring old peanut butter and jelly monogamous relationship for most of your life and then, suddenly BOOM(!) Cornchips! you meet someone so amazing you have to be with them, but you realize that you can’t be parted with your current partner and decide that instead of sneaking around and having affairs, you move them into the spare room and all live together as a little commune for the rest of your lives. That has also happened on at least one occasion.

You remember back at Question 4 I started making comparisons with food? Wasn’t that fun? Let’s do that again. Do you remember being a kid and not liking asparagus? And then, do you remember having it one day during your adulthood and saying to yourself “This ain’t so bad. Actually, I kind of like this.” That’s because tastes change over time, unless you still hate asparagus, but if you’re going to be obstinate and refuse to work with me by eating your vegetables, then I’m afraid there will be no pudding for you. Well, all of life is kind of like that. One day you realize that Pepsi is just too damn sweet, that lemons are too damn sour, and that living with only one lover it too damn limiting. Like wise, you can realize that asparagus is tasty, that you prefer more peas to a slice of pie, and that sharing your loved one with another person is actually kind of refreshing. Or, you might decide after three years that it’s not so awesome as you’d previously thought. This is going to sound like something you’d get if a 13 year old wrote a fortune cookie, but I know of no other way to say this… “You just never know.”

You might think it might not work, you might think you could never handle it, but you won’t know until you’ve tried it. You might think you’ll be a wiz at it, but that’s always someone’s thoughts pre-smashing the car into a lamp post because they have no idea how to drive and just slammed their foot on the gas. Either way, you just don’t know until you’ve given a whirl and seen how you reacted. Each person is different, and each group is different, but until you’ve been there, you simply will not know.

Now, sure, you can look for some of the factors that are listed in other places around the internet, but you didn’t ask about factors, you asked how you know and I’ve gotta tell ya, you never know. Of course, you might be gay, or a secret kitten hater, or a Doors Fan and not know that either. I know, it sounds sort of mealy mouthed and wishy washy, but it’s all I’ve got for you.

September 3, 2011 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , ,

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