I'll come up with something in a minute.

Quick Robin! To the Equality Mobile!

Some one recently said that being fat makes you public property. You’re no longer a person, you’re an object for ridicule and disdain. Now, there is a lot to say about that, like that person is right, but also that they don’t go far enough. I would like to point out at this moment some fascinating research that has come to light that when you give two mice the exact same diet, but subject one to city air and one to country air, the city mouse gets fat while the country mouse doesn’t. Think about that for a second, just being around cars is making you fatter. So can we please agree that eating too much isn’t the cause now?

Where was I? Ah yes, fat as public property. Men get it, women get it, women get it a hell of a lot more. I think being fat does do this, but so does simply being female.

I would like you to look at this cover for GQ magazine, where a photo of Michelle Williams features prominently. Tell me she is not being treated like a piece of public property. The headline alone comes to me as “How dare this bitch not show us her tits before?” and acts as if she should have posed in her underwear a long time ago.

I would like to blame our old foe in this one, and explain why I rarely mention it.

See… when every I read the words “The Patriarchy” I tend to think of Adam West saying it. Try it with me for a moment.

Best Batman Ever: Yes Robin… it’s our old foe… The Patriarchy!

The Only Robin We’ll Really Accept: Holy slut shaming! (punches own palm) You’re right Batman, it’s the only explanation!

Best Batman Ever: I wonder what… diabolical scheme that… enslaver of souls has planned this time.

You can hear him can’t you? You know The Patriarchy is played by Peter Lorre or some shit, right?

I normally roll my eyes, since I’ve seriously heard someone claim the patriarchy as why their shoes didn’t fit them right. That is as opposed to the real problem, she bought the wrong size. However, I think that actually probably is the problem here. I mean, you can’t even make a music video that’s supposed to celebrate geek girls without having all the girls in it conform to the 8% body fat rule. Also, they have to be naked and on their backs. Natch!

There is a massive feeling that women are just public property, from shaming one who gets fat, drooling over anyone who happens to conform to the momentary standard, to telling one that gets raped to be glad it happened, society acts like women are public property. So yeah, for all those reasons, I want people to leave Paula Deen the hell alone. Also, I want someone to bring back the old Batman crew for one last caper against The Patriarchy, because how cool would that be?

And he could make a pun after doing it too.


Best Batman Ever: Your days of corseting humans into rigidly defined gender roles are over Patriarchy.


January 25, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment