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The Emerald Partition: Bleach

I was approached by a woman, who stumped me for a second.

“Does this bleach kill germs?” She asked.

Now, of course I know the answer… and that’s what worried me. I mean, do bulls have utters? That stops you for a second, because you think the answer should be obvious, and yet the person asking must have a good reason for asking, right? So for a moment, you end up going “Wait, do bulls have utters?”

“Pardon?” I asked, holding my hand to my ear so as to pretend that I was having a hearing problem.

“This bleach, does it kill germs?” She asked. “I want the kind of bleach that kills germs. I don’t want bleach that doesn’t kill germs.”

Now, most bleaches in the world, being a solution of sodium hypochlorite, do manage to whack a germ or two. It can be pretty nasty stuff, particularly when drunk straight from the bottle. That was what threw me for a moment. All bleach kills germs. She wasn’t finished though.

“I’m cleaning the bathroom today. I want to kill germs. Does this brand kill germs? I don’t want to buy something that doesn’t kill the germs. I wanna kill germs.”

I am not exaggerating, or playing up for comic effect. I am simply reporting, word for word, what this person said to me.

Now, what I said was “Yes, that bleach will kill the germs. Remember to dilute it with water though, or the fumes will be too strong.”

What I thought was “No ma’am, killing germs has been ruled to be cruel by the UN Security council. Bleach is no longer permited to kill germs. These days it just makes bitchy comments about it’s hair and dress sense, in hopes that the germs will get the idea that it’s not wanted and go away on it’s own.”

Buuuuut, I didn’t.

March 18, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | | Leave a comment