I'll come up with something in a minute.

I’m not thrilled with terms

When someone tells me they have a friend name “Doris” and that he’s a transgendered woman. I very much have to grit my teeth not to shout at them, “WRONG! You know someone named Doris, and she’s a woman!” You may replace assignations to suit your purpose on this.

I have no idea if I’m accepting, or lazy, or what, but it bugs me to have to listen to long strings like “Doris is a gay/transgendered/post-op/third-wave-feminist/second-generation-Irish-American/woman.” because to me, only the last word in that list of terms means anything. Also, it bugged me because when talking about Doris, it came out that Doris was born a gay man, became a woman, and still had a love for the cock. To me, this meant that Doris was a hetro woman, if anything. Woman loves cock, straight woman. Am I wrong here? Do we call women with a healthy wish to hide the purple bishop in her pickle pocket gay now? No? Didn’t think so.

If someone wants to identify as a man, I’ll happily call them a man. If they want to identify as a woman, I’ve got no problem with that. It’s when all the extra terms that I don’t feel are really needed come in that I have problems. Yes, we need these terms, because there are discussions that can only be had with technical terms. At some point I’m going to notice that Steve doesn’t seem to ever sport a five o’clock shadow, but I can’t help to think it would be rude to mention it. I know plenty of guys who can’t grow anything like the thick beard I sport when I leave off shaving for ten minutes.

I think part of the problem, for me, is that I have always felt like a man. I have never not felt like a man. If I wear a frilly shirt and dress in a velvet 18th century outfit only fit for Fauntleroy, I still feel ‘manly’ as I strut around. Not because there is something inherently manly about the suit, but because I as a man, am wearing it.

Another example, in the commentary for Hard Boiled, John Woo talks about a drink. Tequila is poured into a glass, followed by soda water. A coaster is put on top of the glass and you slam the glass on the table causing the soda to foam up before drinking it down. In the commentary he says “It makes you feel cool. It makes you feel like a man.” which, while I know intellectually what he means, realistically it confounds me. I always feel like a man, I never feel like a girl, or a dog, or a box turtle or any of the other things Republicans think we’ll be forced to marry if gay marriage is suddenly allowed. I really don’t know what they mean, when do they not feel like men? I don’t really get it. If I wear a frilly skirt, I’d feel like a man in a skirt.

I do get “I’ve never really felt like a male.” as an all the time thing. I’ve never felt particularly a part of my surroundings, I’ve always felt like an interloper. So I understand not feeling like you fit, I’ve never fit. I refer you to the second part of my online name. I don’t get feeling like something as a result of a drink, or because of some boots, or whatever. I cook, I clean, I do the dishes. These are man things in our house, because in our house a man does them. Collecting thing like knives, DVDs, and secret internet girlfriends are also clearly man things. Playing videogames and making sure the bills get paid are woman things.

This, mixed with my inherent laziness, makes me not want to deal with terms. I’m more inclined to want to knock off as many prefixes as possible, leaving just enough to get my point across. So, really, I don’t care if you’re a bi-poly-geeky-female who likes banjo music and marathon running. The fact that you’re a Canadian Person, to me, means that your love of hockey is merely you conforming to stereotype.

Of course, my perverse decision not to explain anything has been known to cause trouble for people. Particularly when I’m doing it deliberately, and perversely.

“Steve’s uh… awful pretty for a guy.”

“Yeah, well, some guys are pretty motherfuckers. Take me for example.”

“Not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”



“It’s just… is there something I should know?”

“Yeah, don’t mention the war. I did once, but I think I got away with it.”

“What does that even mean in this context?”

“Fuck if I know, aren’t you paying attention to the conversation either?”

So honestly, I’m not against the term, because sometimes there are times when conversations require you to say things in ways that can’t be said in other ways without drawing the talk into long lists of smaller terms. So we come to cisgendered, which I only heard for the first time about three weeks ago. I understand the importance of the term, but I still don’t feel anymore comfortable using it than I do any other terms of that sort. I have this feeling that instead of trans or cis woman/man, we should just drop the prefix and go with man/woman. I mean, fuck it, what point is there to saying I’m cismale because I wear pants and have never liked either the draft skirts present or all the girls trying to look up my skirt? If a man wants to wear a skirt, I don’t really want to bother with finding the correct term when “Guy wearing a skirt because he likes the draft” does nicely for me. Or, even shorter “Guy” because I don’t have to say as much that way.

I’m not thrilled with the idea that men are supposed to fulfill these roles and do these things and all that. I don’t wear a skirt because I don’t like the draft and women always try to look up my skirt if I do. And that’s disappointing because they just see my underwear. And even if they didn’t, they’d be disappointed. It’s not a show piece, it’s a working model.

March 31, 2012 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment