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James Bond may be Gay

James Bond always reads gay to me. Not the movie Bond. I figure Sean Connery tried it once in his late teens. He said “Sure, I’ll have shex with a guy, shee if I like it” and he found a guy and had an evening in with him, doing all the things you do. When it came to the cold light of dawn though, he emerged blinking into the rising sun and said “Nope, shtill all about the pushy.” However, in the books, Bond always reads to me as though he were deeply, tragically, in the closet. Everything he does towards women starts to make sense. He’s trying, trying to hard, to be straight. Everything he does and says betrays him though.

I don’t know where it started exactly, but somewhere along the line I started imaging what was going on in the unspoken parts of the books I was reading. I wondered if there wasn’t more going on between Bertie Wooster and his man Jeeves. Was there more to the relationship of Spenser and Hawk than was being let on? Was Bond actually gay? And what of Nancy Drew: Oversexed Detective and her trysts with the Hardy Boys?

I think I know where the idea got into my head. Old movies had to allude to things, they couldn’t come right out and say what was going on. You had to just understand that when Robert Mitchum kisses Jane Greer in Out of the Past and the door swings open from the wind that there was more than a door swinging open. To some extent you had to do that with certain novels of a particular time. Sexuality had to be obscured, and the stranger the sexuality, the more obscure the symbols had to be.

As a result, once your mind is set to that gear it’s hard to get out of it. As a result, Jeeves and Wooster are totally in a BD clinch and Jeeves is a harsh Master. Archie Goodwin becomes a blazing bisexual in a non-sexual poly relationship with Nero Wolfe and Lily Rowan is the sexual surrogate that allows them to be together. The fact that Frodo and Sam were doing it all the way to Mount Doom or that Gimli and Legolas were life partners seems positively wholesome once you hear what I have in mind for Bart Simpson and Milhouse.

Now, I don’t mean this in a fanfic sort of way. I don’t want to actually see this sort of thing explicitly stated. And I really don’t want to see it said by someone who hasn’t quite grasped the subtle differences between effect and affect. No, I have far more fun trying to decide how the interactions between the characters are working and trying to figure out who is banging who here. It’s more fun to keep it on a meta level, wherein I just try and work out what the couple who went to the beach for a weekend got up to.

The thing is, some of that is just for fun and some of it is just perversity, but the Bond thing is more serious. I have read most the Bond books, and when I noticed that he seemed like a 1950s closet case, I couldn’t get it out of my head. More and more, he just falls into all the classic patterns. All his womanizing is bluster, his hateful and sometimes bizarre attitudes about gays (they can’t whistle? Really?) becomes just so much self-loathing. I mean, yes, once you get it into your head, you can make justifications for anything. Once I got the idea in my head, I only recorded those things that fit my view. Granted, there were a lot of things that fit my view, so it was okay.

July 23, 2012 - Posted by | Uncategorized

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