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Genghis Khan Would Have Taken Bitchin’ Selfies

Genghis Khan’s empire stretched from Iran to Korea. He basically got all of China and most of Russia and his name was actually Temujin, but we’ll ignore that for now. The larger issue is, if he’d had cellphones he’d have gotten a lot more done. With cell net technology, he could have expanded to encompass all of Eurasia. And he would have used Text messaging if available. He not only would he have texted while riding a horse, he would have taken bitchin’ selfies and photo bombed them with the head of some dude he just chopped off.

You know why? Because there was nothing in that man’s life that wasn’t totally bitchin’! ALSO! Because he was a brilliant man who used all the technology, organizational skill and leadership techniques that were at his fingertips. He wouldn’t have pretended that this or that tech was a fad, or below him. He would have used it to the fullest extent and pretending that he wouldn’t is just ignorant bullshit. George Washington would have used Twitter (more likely Thomas Paine would have run the official Revolutionary Army’s Twitter account) to tell the French how much is sucked freezing to death at Valley Forge, The Impressionists would have had a Facebook Group, and if the Algonquin Round Table could have utilized whatever the hell Google is calling their videochat service this week, you can bet your ass they would have.

You aren’t even a Luddite! THAT was a reaction to mill owners being dickheads, and not the machines that actually powered the mills. Their complaint was one of economics and not technophobia. If anything, the Luddites were just an early trade union. The only reason any of these people went without these things is that they hadn’t been invented yet and if Eilmer of Malmesbury had gotten his glider to work a little better, or Hero of Alexandria hadn’t been killed, maybe it would have all kicked off sooner!

Pretending some kind of superiority, either moral or intellectual, because “These damn kids” are ahead of the technological curve and you don’t like it, is just bullshit. And if y’all don’t know who Eilmer of Malmesbury is, then how can you claim to be intellectually superior to anyone? My CAT knows who Eilmer of Malmesbury is. That ain’t a deep cut, that’s just basic aviation history son.

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March 19, 2014 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment