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Brothers & Sisters – Chapter Ten: The He-Man Woman Haters Club

This is basically an un-edited version of this book. There will be typos. There will be your/you’re errors, because I’m dyslexic as hell. Why am I posting it? I’ve more or less come to the conclusion that some major things needed to change, so I’m changing them. However, I like the old version and I already gave you Twins In Death in the old form, so have this one too. It doesn’t matter, the books are being re-written, so enjoy.

Brothers & Sisters
A Tale of The Weirdo
By Brett N. Lashuay

Chapter Ten

The He-Man Woman Haters Club


April 4th, 2003

10:02 a.m.


            “Thank you for coming to see us Mister Jorgaes.” Diana said.


            “My pleasure.” Jorgaes said as he took a seat. “I may be mistaken, but did the front lobby always have all those bullet holes in it?”


            “We were visited quite rudely yesterday.” Diana said. “Which is why we called you today.”


            “I should point out that I have no actual standing in The Weirdo’s decision making policy.” He said pulling is cigarette case from his pocket. “I’m just a guy who tells him where problem spots are from time to time.”


            “I understand that.” She said. “But the fact that you’re still here on earth should be some indication to both us and him that you’ve some importance.”


            “Nice to be noticed.” He said, lighting one of his horrid Pakistani cigarettes.


            “We need help, we fought them off this time, but if they come again.”


            “So you want some help from him.” He said, exhaling a plume of gray smoke. “I’ll talk to him, and see what he thinks. I can’t promise anything though.”



April 4th, 2003

10:30 a.m.


            Jorgaes sat on the bridge, halfway between the city and The Weirdo’s island. He had stopped to smoke a last cigarette; The Weirdo didn’t like people smoking around him. He took in a deep drag from the cigarette and exhaled it in a long plume of hot blue gray smoke. He looked out at the water that was lapping up against the support beams of the bridge. The same water had been on this planet for a billion years as far as he knew. It had been here from the start, and there had always been life in it.


            There were no fish in the water, nothing in fact as far as he knew. The water was empty of life, besides plants. Why should that be, he wondered. That the trees and grass would still be around when all the animals had gone was bizarre. Flowers couldn’t pollinate themselves without bees, so how would anything get done? He took another drag off the cigarette and tossed it over, hearing the hiss as the smoldering end hit the water. There were plants around, and there had to be some sort of animal life, but where exactly were they? He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t think he’d have time to find out. By the time he could get anything done, the issue would resolve itself one way or another.


            Jorgaes looked at the end of the bridge, at the island and sighed. He then looked down towards Manhattan, and the Porsche that was traveling towards him. He tilted his head as it came closer, watching with interest as the car caught the sun’s light. It was a convertible, and the top was down, odd considering how cold it was. It was a black vehicle, a few years old in fact, with European plates on the front of the vehicle at least. The car slowed down as it came closer to him, the occupants were going to stop and talk to him.


As the car came to a halt he could see that two beautiful young women occupied it. One had died black hair the other brilliant red hair, and they were dressed as differently as two people could be. The black haired girl wore a black velvet dress, which incorporated a lot of black lace, and a bodice. The red haired girl was dressed in the manner of a wealthy young lady about town, in fact wearing business attire. It was by Armani actually, he could tell by the cut of the jacket. She looked more than delectable, but he didn’t show a thing.


            “Excuse me.” The black haired girl asked. “Is this the bridge to get to The Weirdo’s house?”


            “Why would you want to get there?” Jorgaes asked.


            “We’ve come to see him.” The sullen black haired girl said.


            “Yes, but who are you?” He asked.


            “Who are you?”


            “Jorgaes.” He said pointing his right thumb at his face.


            “I’m Angel, this is Kaala. We’re from the System.”


            “I’ve just come from there.” He said. “You’re the missing council member aren’t you? They think you’ve been captured.”


            “That works for me.” She said.


            “Does it?”


            “Yes.” She said nodding.


            “Well, as we’re all going to see him, why don’t you follow me?”


            “Fine.” She said.


            He walked to his silver BMW and opened the door, getting into his car and starting it. The BMW drove first and Angel followed him down the bridge. She had heard about Jorgaes, but hadn’t met him until now.


            “They think we’ve been captured.” Kaala said.


            “Then they won’t come looking for us.” Angel said. “They can think we were killed or something. We can just go away.”


            “I hope so.” Kaala said. “I don’t want them to part us.”


            “I won’t let that happen dear.” She said as they came to the island.



April 4th, 2003

10:35 a.m.


            The Weirdo came awake slowly, drifting up from the dark recesses of the dream world. He opened his eyes and looked into a pair of blue eyes. The Other was looking right into his face, memorizing the way he looked when he was asleep. He tried to smile at her but it was a little lop-sided as half his face was still entrenched in the pillow.  He could only see out of his left eye, again because of the pillow. It wouldn’t matter of course if he could get his head up, the right eye wouldn’t want to open. It was the obstinate eye, the right one; it never accepted that morning had come.


            “Hi.” He said softly.


            “You snore.” She said.


            “What a delightful way to begin the day.” He said. “Being told I snore.”


            “I mean you snore loud.” She said. “Really loud.”


            “How loud is loud?” He asked. “Space shuttle loud or just rock n roll loud?”


“Loud.” She said.


            “How long have you been sitting there?”


            “Dunno.” She said. “A while.”


            “Well good.” He said and sat up.


            He wasn’t expecting to find that Eoster had stayed the entire night, and yet was slightly disappointed to find that she had gone. He wondered if she had meant not just gathering his seed like she said. He looked at The Other, who had her hair tied up into a pair of pigtails. She hadn’t really done much with her hair since she had been here, and this struck him as odd.


            “Who did your hair?” He asked.


            “Kestrel helped me.” She said. “You like it?”


            “It’s very nice.” He said.


            “I like her, she’s nice.”


            “Good.” He said.


            “But she can’t be my Mom.”


            “Why not?”


            “She can’t have normal babies, not unless some one helped her have babies.”


            “Well all women have help.”


            “No, not like that. Fertilization would have to be artificially induced and then the embryo would have to be implanted.”


            “Do you know what you just said?”


            “Yes.” She said then her face fell. “No.”


            “Which is it?”


            “I know what I said, but now I can’t remember it. I can sort of remember what it means.” She squinted with her right eye and then looked at him with frustration. “I can’t always remember stuff after I know it. It’s like some one else is trying to use my brain, but I know it’s just me.”


            “I see.” He said.


            “Are you going to fight the bad guys some more?”


            “I think I’m probably going to have to.” He said.


            “Are you going to be careful?”


            “Probably not as careful as I could be.”


            “Oh.” She said. “Can we watch another movie tonight?”


            “Probably.” He said.


            “Jorgaes is here.” She said, and then ran out of the room.


            “Jorgaes is here.” He repeated and got out of bed.



April 4th, 2003

10:37 a.m.


            “Cannot we be given one days rest?” The Weirdo asked Bagheera as he walked to the door of his room.


            Bagheera looked up at him, there might be more to listen to. The Weirdo seemed to be leaving though, so he set his head back down and closed his eyes. The Weirdo looked at the cat and looked out the door, and heard The Other opening the door. She greeted Jorgaes with a loud jubilant voice.


            “Hi.” He heard her say. “I’m The Other.”


            “Hi.” Another voice said. “I’m Kaala.”


            “You’re a friend of Weirdo’s.” The Other said.


            The Weirdo walked out of the door and began down the steps. Kaala had crouched down to talk to The Other, and Angel was watching them. Angel was smiling, most likely because she didn’t think anyone was watching.


            “I’m not sure I’m a friend so much.” Kaala said.


            “No, you’re a friend.” The Other said. “You and Angel should come have breakfast.”


            She took Kaala by the hand and led her from the room. Angel looked up at The Weirdo as he came down the stairs, and then at The Other who was leading Kaala out of the room. The Weirdo nodded and waved her to follow the other two. He then finished walking down the stairs and looked at Jorgaes.


            “Hello.” The Weirdo said. “What brings you to my humble abode?”


            “You know who they are?” Jorgaes asked.


            “Oh yes, they just left the System last night before the fire fight that broke out.”


            “You expected them to come here?”


            “Lets say it didn’t come as a shock to me that they would.”


            “I’m not sure I understand.”


            “I mean that I thought they might.” The two men walked into a sitting room and The Weirdo looked at the drinks cabinet. “Drink?”


            “It’s not even eleven yet.” Jorgaes said.


            “That only matters if you live your life from nine to five.”


            “Sure, make me something.”


            “You’re funeral.” The Weirdo said and began looking at the bottles.


            It occurred to him that he almost never drank, almost never. There had been a period where he had experimented with the idea, but it hadn’t done anything for him. He hadn’t been able to stand drinking alcohol in the amounts you apparently needed. He didn’t like alcohol except for cooking. He could make a whisky cream sauce to die for, but he wouldn’t drink the stuff. He didn’t know how to make a drink, so he did what he always did when he didn’t know what he was doing.


            “Ah.” Jorgaes said. “Diana wants an alliance.”


            “She called you for that?”




            “I think she wasted your time.”         


            “You won’t consider it?”


            “It’s not a matter of consideration, we had to shoot our way out of there. If Lucifer hadn’t shown up and gotten us out of there I’m not sure I know how we would have gotten away.”




            “Yes, the archangel, you’ve probably heard of him.” The Weirdo said as he poured a measure of something blue into a martini mixer.


            “Shame you don’t have a werewolf.” Jorgaes said.


            “We’ve got Kestrel, she’s lycanthropic.”


            “Then you do have a complete set.”


            “Set of what?”


            “A vampire, the devil, a lycanthrope, you could argue you’re a zombie.”


            “Lucifer is not the devil, that’s a different person according to him.”


            “Okay, a vampire, a fallen angel, a lycanthrope a zombie, a mesmerists, and an alien. You’ve also got a giant who can control weather and an immortal who thinks jumping on explosives is an extreme sport. Are you missing anyone?”


            “Are you counting Tommy as the Mesmerist?”




            “Fair enough. I don’t think we have a Frankenstein monster. Also you’ve not given any relative idea for Max.”


            “He can be the boy who’s along for the adventure, every good story needs one. I’m just pointing out that you seem to have a full cadre of what are historically undesirables.”


            “Well their not bad people.” The Weirdo said. “And besides, we’re all pretty much a non-religious bunch.”           


            “None of you believe in god?”


            “We believe just most of us don’t really worship.”


            “Why not I wonder?”


            “Because we’re also fairly strong minded people and worship is for those who are trying to curry favor. We don’t need favors, so we don’t toady behind gods asking if we can carry their books for them.” He had finished pouring things into the martini shaker and put the lid on it, giving it a few good shakes.


            “Strong attitude.”


            “Well what the hell, you’ve seen the way these two groups have treated each other. Peace and love and turning the other cheek. Max tells me that he’s been looking around and there’s been about two hundred killings in the last few days.”


“This doesn’t count last night I assume.” Jorgaes said. “There was almost that many killed last night.”


“Religion is getting a lot of people is my point.” The Weirdo said pouring the contents of the martini shaker into two glasses. “Why encourage that kind of behavior? I mean I kill people but at least I have the good graces to say I’m doing it of my own accord. There isn’t any God giving me directives to go kill, no ones ordering me to do it.”


He handed one of the glasses to Jorgaes and drank from the other one. Jorgaes took a gulp of the drink and found it was fairly palatable. It was something he wasn’t accustomed to though. He looked at the drink in his hand, which was an oddly dark color; he then looked at The Weirdo.


“What do you call this?”


“A shot of everything.” The Weirdo said.


“What’s in it?”


“A shot, of everything.” The Weirdo said. “One shot from each bottle that’s sitting there, with a squeeze of lemon.”


“Ah,” Jorgaes said taking another gulp, “Quite nice really.”


“Thank you.” The Weirdo said.


“So what do you want to do?”


“I want to stay out of it.” The Weirdo said.


“But you can’t do that.” Jorgaes said. “You know that even if half of what their saying is true, then you can’t stay out.”


“I know that.” He said.


“But it’s what you’d like to do?”




“What are you actually going to do though?”


“Well, for starters, we’re going to have to make some plans. We’re going to have to actually make a war room, and get maps and things together. We’ll have to decide who our enemies are, and who we’re going to ally with.”


“You intend to ally with one side?”


“I doubt it.” He said. “I expect I’ll just become the third wing of this war.”


“You have the forces to do that?”


“Not by a long shot, but what other choice do I have? We’ll just concentrate on one side or the other and then widdle them down while they widdle each other I expect.”


“Not a very detailed plan of attack is it?”


“I’m not a solider.” He said. “I engage primarily in urban street fighting style conflicts.”


“But it’s not such a big difference to what you’re doing here is it?”


“Big enough.” The Weirdo said. “The only way for us to win, as far as I can tell is to find some way to decrees the advantage they have in numbers. That’s going to mean I’ll have to spread the guys thinly, which is bad for back up purposes. It’s also something we haven’t been doing. We’ve been going into everything as a group so far, have to change that I guess.”


“So you split your forces up, get them to charge in confined spaces where twenty is really worse than one. Try and pick them off one by one and hope you don’t get killed. And you’ve got to do this while the portents and signs of apocalypse happen around you.”


“Yeah.” The Weirdo said nodding. “Gotta stop that too.”


“If you can stop the apocalypse, would their fight matter so much?”


“Yeah,” The Weirdo said.


“The System claims they’re trying to save the world not destroy it. They’re trying to bring about a new age. They want to bring about a world without pain or strife.”


“You believe that?”


“I believe that they would like a world without pain or strife.”


“Maybe I should meet with each of them.” The Weirdo said. “You could arrange for each leader to come here, or something like that.”


“I could.” He said nodding. “Today?”


“Why not.” The Weirdo said.


“You want me to get them here at different times?”


“I think you should, just to prevent blood shed.”


“I’ll go talk to them then.” Jorgaes said setting his glass and standing.


The Weirdo noticed, and not for the first time, just how short Jorgaes was. It was odd that he would be so small, and yet he looked like he could easily bench press and elephant. It was odd that someone who looked like he did would have such a position of power. That in such a shallow and looks absorbed world, some one like him still managed to rise up. It gave The Weirdo pause to consider how hard he must have struggled.



April 4th, 2003

2:21 p.m.


The Weirdo was once again sitting on the lip of the pool of the great fountain. He watched as a white sports car drove up towards the house, and carefully drove past the still open gates. The Weirdo hadn’t ever closed the massive black gates and he saw no reason to do so now. He let the car drive up and looked to his left where Tommy was leaning against a tree. The high-powered rifle was leaning against the tree with Tommy, just ready in case he decided to grab for it.


            He looked to his right where he couldn’t see Jack. He couldn’t see Jack because Jack was hidden in the bushes. Jack held not the high-powered sniper rifle; rather a high velocity belt fed machine gun. The Weirdo also knew that Max and Kestrel were in the city, watching over things near the bridge. It would be impossible to storm the bridge with out having to fight the two of them. If things went bad, he was going to make sure they went bad for the attackers.


            Lilith got out of the car, and was not technically alone when she did so. The massive black wolf he had seen with her before now accompanied her. It was not like the sort of wolf one gets from out of the mountains, nor when one carefully breeds and trains. It was the sort of wolf one gets when you take the basic concept of a wolf and try to upsize it without taking ratio imbalance into account. It looked odd, like a bad mediaeval drawing of a wolf rather than a real wolf. This was the wolf of nightmares, the wolf that carried off entire villages. The wolf looked at The Weirdo and a growl came from the depths of its throat.


            “Hush Fenris.” She said patting the wolf on the head. “We’re guests here, and The Weirdo is already upset with me.”


            “Am I upset?” He asked.


            “You are.” She said, her blue eyes flashing to gray. “Because of the mirror.”


            “Oh that?” He asked. “Yes, that did annoy me. If I were upset though it would be something else that got to me I think.”


            “I didn’t know they were going to do the statue.” She said. “In my absence they can get up to some shit. Some of the members who have been there longer than me resent me and do things when they think they can get away with it.”


            “Yet you rushed back and played the leader? Even brought out the mirror.”


            “I had to be sure. ” She said, “The knight, the one who’s destined to defeat the destroyer, he’s supposed to be able to look in the mirror.”


            “So I’m just a knight to you?”


            “Darling, this isn’t what I wanted. Something happens to me sometimes when I’m around them, it’s like I’m not me anymore. I’m different around you, but I’ve got things I have to do.” Her hand stretched out and stroked his hair. “We need to be together.”


            “We are being together.” He said.


            “This is not what I had intended.”


            “Oh.” He said. “You mean that we should fuck some more?”


            “Well,” She paused, and bit her lip. “Yes, I suppose I do.”


            There was something else there for the moment, something was trying to get out. He wondered for a moment if she was trying to get away, or just make him think she was. Was this yet another of her little acts to get him to trust her again? He wasn’t sure just yet, so he decided to pass by the thought for a moment.


            “Ah, I thought so.” He said. “But you lied to me.”


            “How?” she asked as if the former conversation hadn’t just happened.


            “Well let’s start with that assault on your apartment.” He said passing by t


            “What about it?”


            “You could have gotten away with it had Judy not been there. Are they really going to try and kill their lady? They would try to kill the other mother though, wouldn’t they? Just to make sure Julie wasn’t the mother?”


            “Mother of what?”


            He simply looked at her, glancing at the place where he thought Jack might be and then at Tommy and at her. They were tiny glances, just flicks of the eyes. They were the sort of thing she could take note of if she were clever and observant.


            “Why do you want the baby?”


            “We’re trying to save the world.” She said. “Do you have any idea what we can achieve?”


            “Tell me?”


            “An end to pain.” She said, touching his chest, resting her hand over his heart. “And end to misery, to war, to agony. We are trying to stop fighting and strife.”


            “How does this child contribute?”


            “I haven’t been told.” She said leaning against him. “Just that a child is needed. They don’t tell me everything you know.”


            He was cold, unmoving, like a statue. She couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t put his arms around her. She was acting in a way he had responded to before, why wasn’t it working. He was just standing with his hands in his pockets, like a man made of bronze. She might as well try to apply to the statue behind him.


            “You and I belong together.” She said, and her face began to change again. It was like something else was taking her over almost. “Together we can raise this child growing inside me. We can be as gods if we pool our strengths, if you would simply come over to me. If you would but stay by my side, we could rule the new world that is to emerge.”


            “And be your consort?”


“What’s wrong with that?”


            “I like the world.” He said. “Why do we need a new world?”

            She stood back, and folded her arms. Her eyes swirled to white as she stared at him and then spun out to red. She was trying to figure out what he might want, what was his game? He had to have an agenda, she just had to figure out what it was and then bend his agenda to hers. Or perhaps she was just trying to figure out a way to say to him what she was unable to say. That there was something clinging to her heart that didn’t let her truly be herself. That something was clutching to her and controlling her darker half. Either way she stood and watched him for a long moment.


            “This world is in an awful state.” She said, her arms dropping to her side. “Look around, pain, fear, depression. There is agony on the face of every person you see. We can make all that end, we can take it away.”




            “We fight the destroyer, and let the glory of God shine down on us all.”


            “And you would rule with me by your side.”


            “We can forge a new world together.” She said.


            “No.” He said. “I don’t think so.”




            “No.” he said. “I just don’t think it would work.”


            “How can you?”


            “Because I serve a higher power.”


            “What god has you in their power?”


            “Gods?” He shook his head. “Amateurs. I serve my own ego, which cannot be so easily pushed to one side.”


“You want to rule.” She said.


“No.” He said, shaking his head. “I want everyone to leave me alone. I don’t want any part of a world-changing event. I want to just sit in my home and read a book, and be left alone.”


“You’re here.” She said. “You’re part of this weather you want to be or not.”


            “I am not going to be a party to a war.” He said. “I’m not going to be on anyone’s side, since it seems no one is on mine.”


            “Then we’ll be enemies.” She said. “Shame.”


            “Shame indeed.” He said. “Despite the fact that I think you’re lying roughly half the time I like you.”


            “If you live, I could still spare you.”


            “We’ll have to talk about that at the end won’t we?”


            “I guess so.” She said.


            She turned away from him and snapped her fingers; the wolf turned and began to walk after her. She turned back to look at him as she walked away, and was pleased to see he was watching her go. She didn’t fully realize the reason he was watching her go though, he was making sure she left peacefully. His hands looked loose in his pockets, but both hands were rapped around small hammerless revolvers. He had been ready to draw his hands out and fire or even shoot right through his coat if that had proved necessary.


            He took his hands out of his coat as she drove away, the great wolf sitting in the passenger seat next to her. He pulled his pocket watch from his pocket and flipped open the cover. He then looked at the car as it drove down the street and towards the bridge. He pulled the pen shaped communicator from his pocket and held it up.


            “They’re coming your way kids.” He said.


            “Ten four Rubber Duck.” Max’s voice said.



April 4th, 2003

2:31 p.m.


             Everyone was in the same position as before, when a simpler car drove across the bridge. It was blue neon, which is a humble car for anyone to drive. It drove across the bridge and up to The Weirdo’s driveway, where he again stood next to the fountain. He looked up at the bronze face of Arthur Pendragon as Diana got out of the car and walked towards him.


            She was dressed in her long blue robes, the large silver pentagrams visible from fifty feet away. She walked towards him; trying to look magisterial. She failed looking magisterial miserably. She looked like a person who would like to look magisterial though. She would have liked to have been flanked by a few handmaidens and would have liked to be just a little prettier and for things to flow like they did on the covers of books.


            He could tell, just by watching her walk, that her book collection had a few covers with dragons on it when there were none in the book. She would have read a lot of books before this, possibly with a lot of homoerotic heroes. There would have at least been brave sword wielding maidens and talking horses, he could tell that from here.


            And she would like all music to either be Celtic or entirely made up of wind chimes. He was being unfair and he knew it, but he could tell that simply putting a Celtic knot on an album would make her all the more likely to buy it. He suspected, but couldn’t prove it of course, that here was a person with a collection of crystals bought at a mall.


            “Merry meet Weirdo.” She said.


            “And a happy vegetable to you.” He said.




            “Here in America we say hello.” He said.


            She looked at him for a long time, his face inscrutable. She couldn’t tell if he was trying to insult her, or if he was simply a condescending sort of person. Was he the sort who would purposely annoy, or did it just happen? His face was completely blank, without anger or joy. He looked slightly angry, but she had a feeling that a blank look on his face would look slightly angry. He had the sort of face that looked angry, and vaguely threatening.


            “I have come to ask you for help.” She said,


            “You tried to shoot us.” The Weirdo said.


            “We were being invaded.” She said, “It was just an effort to defend…”


            “No.” He said. “I came down the elevator and your lot was aiming machine guns as us, we went back up and we saw the first group of System forces coming toward the building. Then your people tried to kill us, and your people were trying to break up friends of mine.”




            “Kaala told us that Tommy was not to see her. And then we learned that Kaala and Angel were both convinced that you were trying to break them up.”


            “None of that is true.” She protested.


            “You’re saying Kaala didn’t tell me that? Because I heard her quite distinctly.”


            “No, I’m saying it’s not true.”


            “No.” He said. “You said none of that’s true after I told you that some one told me something. You are refuting what I said, not what she said. You need to word your statements better, because as it stands you’re accusing me of lying. You accuse me again, I’ll kill you where you stand.”


            There was a long drawn out silence, where only the water falling into the pool of the fountain was heard. She looked at him he stared back at her. His looking was not a passive thing, as it is with most people. Light travels into the eye, and is processed in the brain. With his look, she felt that he was scanning her, passing lasers through her to find truth.


            “I didn’t mean to insinuate that you were a liar.” She said. “I apologize.”


            “As you should,” He said, “But the fact is that your little trooper of misfits did try to shoot me. I don’t take kindly to that, I really didn’t enjoy it. I also don’t like people trying to say who can and can’t see other people.”


            “I don’t know about that.”


            “Don’t lie.” He said, sensing that she did know about it even if she wasn’t active in it.


            “It wouldn’t have fit our plans.” She said. “Kaala’s needed for a specific purpose. She needs to have a specific man’s baby.”


            “Well, that’s going to be a problem.” He said.




            “She’s a dyke.” He said.


            “I believe the word is lesbian.” She said, growing chilly.


            “Nope.” He said. “It’s dyke. A word is something you attach to a specific thought. You take a thought, which is fluid, and to it try to float a word, which is solid. The solid either sinks or floats, but it does not become the idea. As there are several words floating a top the idea of a woman who loves another woman exclusively, I can pick the one I like. I asked Kaala and Angel both if they had ever been to Greece, they hadn’t. As they’ve never been to Greece, they cannot be inhabitants of Lesbos, there for they are not Lesbians. Kaala did spend a summer in Denmark though, and therefore I found dyke to be quite appropriate.”


            “Do you wake up in the morning and say ‘Ah, what a bright new day I think I’ll offend some one’ or does that just come naturally?”


            “You make the assumption that I sleep and there for wake up in the morning. It just comes natural though, since that’s your question.” He said. “Besides, you tried to shoot me, and you lied to Kaala, whom I happen to like.”


            “I came here to ask you for help.” She said. “I didn’t come to argue with you.”


            “Fine.” He said. “Your request had been noted.”


            “They want to destroy the world you know.” Diana said, taking a step towards him. “They want to make a fiery example of everything they think of as sin. They’re going to destroy everything.”


            “You’re not?”


            “No.” She said. “We’re trying to end war, to bring about a new age where pain and misery are things of the past. Have you read Greek literature?”




            “There was a time, when men were made of gold and everything was perfect. We are trying to go back to that. All our schemes and manipulations are to return to a perfect age. How we get there won’t be important once we get there. Those who are martyred will hold the highest places because they helped bring about the new age.”


            “You would roll over the human race to get what you want?”


            “You would rather we acted chivalrously?” She asked acidly. “Stick out pinkies out when we drink and kill ourselves if each and every scheme doesn’t go perfectly? If you can’t do it nicely don’t do it at all?”


            “I think we’re at an impasse.” The Weirdo said. “You’d better go.”


            “You won’t help us?”


            “No.” He said. “I don’t want any part of religion. I want to stay away from it all.”


“You’re here.” She said. “You and I and them. There aren’t many people left. If you won’t join with me, I’ll have to assume you’ve joined with them.”


            “Then we’re enemies.” He said. “That’s a pity, but if you want to assume I’m your foe then that’s that. If you attack me I’ll defend myself and then I really will be your enemy.”


            “You said I already did attack you.”


            “Yeah, but that was on your turf, so it doesn’t count as much.”


            “I’m not going to launch an assault on your home.” She said. “I would like my council member back though.”


            “No.” He said. “You can talk to her, but you can’t have her. She told me that she doesn’t want to go with you.”


            “Can I talk to her now?”


            The Weirdo pulled what looked to Diana like a pen from his pocket. She thought he was going to write a note or something like that. She was shocked and for a moment thought he was mocking her when he spoke into it. She soon heard a second voice come from the pen and realized it must be some miniature communication device.


            “Angel can you hear me?”


            “I can hear you.” Angel’s voice said.


            “Would you mind coming to the front door.”


            “Is she here?”


            “She is.”


            “I’m in the second floor window.” Angel said, they both looked up and saw Angel through the layer of bulletproof glass. “I resign from the council. Kaala and I are done with the Power, we’re done with all groups.”


            “Can’t I?” Diana asked.


            “I’m not coming down.” Angel said. “I don’t know what you’d do.”


            “Thank you Angel.” The Weirdo said and slipped the pen back into his pocket.”


            “You said I could see her.”


            “You did.” The Weirdo said. “You had the opportunity to talk to her, you let her do all the talking.”


            “That’s not fair.” Diana said.


            “I’m not interested in fair.” The Weirdo noted. “I’m not here to fight fair, I’m here to offer protection to anyone who needs it.”


            “I’m going to leave now.” She said.




            “We will see each other again.”


            “I’m sure we will.” He said. He looked up at Angel as Diana got into her car and drove away.


            It was a pretentious statement, that car, as calculated and silly as Lilith’s Ferrari. With the number of cars that had suddenly become available, any choice said something. A person chose the car they most thought suited them in these situations. He thought that the choice of the car that Angel and Kaala had driven here absolutely correct. Young girls in love picking a car that they’d normally probably never get a chance to drive otherwise. Of course they would choose the convertible sports car. To try and make The Weirdo believe that the small neon was what she would have chosen was preposterous.


            As an economy car the only thing it saved was money. There were roomier cars, more efficient cars, less noisy cars; it was a bottom-rung choice. It had been chosen to convey to him that she chose the small car, and thus was humble. At a time like this though, the humble might think that their time to inherit the earth had come. Even the humble would choose a better car than an old neon. He wondered if cynicism was bad for you, and brushed the thought off. Everything was bad for you.



April 4th, 2003

4:38 p.m.


            It couldn’t be done, that was the decision they kept coming back to. They could maybe defend the island, but the house would be a write off. They would have to hide in The Hole and defend that position, which would still be difficult. The fact that no one was ready to abandon the house wasn’t such a shock really; all their stuff was there.


            The entire house was sitting around the large dinner table, looking at maps and laptops. They were trying to make this work, with the force they had. Each scenario though, came back to the same problem though, that they were too few.


            “We can maybe defend the house.” Cydrill said. “If we placed the right amount of ordinance in the upper levels. Peidmont and Cassimano could help, if we could get a hold of anti aircraft weapons.”


            “We don’t know that they’ll have air support.” Tommy said.


            “They were using helicopters before.”


            “But not many.” Tommy said. “And they we do have to take into account the possibility that those who could fly are dead.”


“That sounds more hopeful than realistic.” The Weirdo said. “Besides, even granting they don’t have swat helicopters or military, it doesn’t take a lot to turn a news chopper into a weapons platform.”


“Why don’t you have a helicopter?” Kestrel asked.


            “I don’t know.” The Weirdo said. “Never thought about it.”           


            “We could try to take some initiative.” Max said. “Down their choppers before they actually have a chance to get off the ground.”


            “There are too many.” The Weirdo said. “Our only chance would be if we could get a few choppers.”


            “Then we run into the man power problem again.” D’var said.




            “We should get some people.” D’var said.




            “You just turned down the two sources.” Darrian said.


            “I turned them down because I didn’t think either side could be trusted. Do you want to ask either side back?”

            He didn’t ask the question angrily, but in the vein of a person who wants an answer. He wasn’t trying to make a fight, but was just trying to figure out where everyone stood.


            “No.” Darrian said, “I don’t trust them either.”


            “Okay.” The Weirdo said. “So we’ve got to labor under the idea that they’re both going to attack us. Is there anyone else we could ask for help?”


            “Ah!” Lucifer had been sitting in a chair, leaning back.


            He leaned forward and both his boots and the chair feet hit the ground at the same moment. He stood up and walked toward the table, his feet tapping lightly against the bare floor. He came to the table and set the book he was reading on the table. It’s not totally germane to the story but the book was the Canterbury tales. This may or may not be symbolic.


            “What we need to do is examine our friends and enemies.” Lucifer said. “Find who can politically move and who can’t. This is a little battle off on the side, the mega powers are watching wearily. Who can we trust, and who do we need to be wary of?”


            “I don’t know.” The Weirdo said.


            “Yes you do.” Lucifer said. “We just have to ask them for help.”


            “Help?” Jack asked. “You’re talking about praying to God to help us?”


            “No.” Lucifer said raising a finger. “I’m talking about sending emissaries to places who might lend us a few hands. I can take partial care of this.”


            “I can help as well.” The Gray man said.


            No one had seen him enter, but then no one ever did. He was standing at the end of the table though, arms crossed. He looked at Lucifer and the archangel smiled, triumphant.


            “I was wondering how long it might take you.”


            “Why bugger around?” The Gray man asked. “We’re too far along for that aren’t we?”


            “We are indeed.” Lucifer said. “I think it’s time we drew a few lines in the sand. Not everyone who fails to cross is going to be an enemy, but most everybody who crosses will be an ally.”


            “How do you know?” Marla asked.


            “Who’s going to side with us?” The Weirdo asked. “If anyone, we’ve got to be the bad guys here. We’ve got the island base; we’ve got a fallen angel and a vampire on our side. We are the ‘He-Man Woman Haters Club’. Anyone who sides with us might as well side with Hitler in forty-eight.”


            “Wasn’t the war over by then?” Marla asked.


            “Precisely.” The Weirdo said as his phone rang, he pulled his phone from his pocket and looked at the little vibrating thing. “Lilith is calling me.”


            He looked at the group and shrugged. There was likely no longer going to be tender talks with her, anything he said, everyone could hear. He pressed the conference button on the speaker set between them.


            “Hello?” He asked.


            “I challenge you Weirdo.” She said. “Single combat with swords, you against Loki.”


            “He’s not calling himself that is he?”


            “Fine then, Mordred.” She said. “Combat in Central Park, one hour.”


            “I haven’t accepted the challenge yet.” He said, his voice playful. “You have to wait until I accept before you can address time and place.”


            “Do you accept?”


            He looked at the ceiling and then around the room. His face was screwed up with thought, as if he were trying to do calculus in his head. Smart as he was, math was an undiscovered country to him.


            “Yes.” He said, “Would you like to assign a time and place.”


            “I’ve already done that.” She said,


            “Yes, but you’ve got to do it properly. Now that I’ve accepted, you might want to change your mind on the place and time.”


            They could hear the exasperated sigh over the phone and looked at The Weirdo. He was being no help because he was making a series of silly and amused faces. He bounced his head around as if he was extremely bored, lifting his legs in a series of dance steps. If they laughed, it would turn bad, they knew that. He was trying to get them to laugh though.


            “We suggest the place be the great lawn in central park. In about one hour, does this agree with you?” She sounded like she was talking through clenched teeth.


            “Yeah, that’s fine.” He said. “But you see how important it is that we do this properly?”


She didn’t answer, simply hung up.


“Well that was just plain rude.” The Weirdo said as he made sure his phone had hung up and slipped it into his pocket.


            “You gonna go?” Kestrel asked.


            “Of course.” He said. “Took her a while but she did manage an official style challenge.”


            “You’re going to just walk in with just a sword?” Darrian asked.


            “Of course not, don’t be ridiculous.” The Weirdo said. “I think it would be best if you lot were around to watch, for security.”


            “Could be a lot of fighting to prevent us from getting there.” Max said.


            “Could be.” The Weirdo agreed. “If you get caught up, just go someplace safe and wait it out.”


            “We can come save each other after I suppose.” Jack said.


            “This is going to turn into a blood bath.” Kestrel said. “Why pretend otherwise?”


            “It might not be.” He said. “It might just be a fight between us two.”


            “You don’t really believe that.” She said.


            “That’s why you lot are coming.”


            “We’re being baited.” Tommy said.


            “You guys stay back then.” The Weirdo said. “I said I’d be there though.”


            “Why?” Sheila asked.


            “Because if I didn’t agree to go, and if I don’t go, then they’ll come for us. They might still I know, but as it stands we might be able to get them. There is something in Lilith that will let her lie, but not cheat. She’s got to do this in a particular way, and she won’t break the chain of events she’s supposed to hold to. She’s got it in her head to follow some sort of chivalric code. She thinks we’re knights in armor, so if they’re following that, and we pretend to, we might find a wedge. However, it depends on us making them think that we’re following the rules.”


            “We’re going to lie?” Max asked.


            “No.” The Weirdo said. “We’re going to allow them to make their own assumptions about our actions. It’s not my fault if they don’t know what a random individual I am.”


            “We’re going to get them to lie to themselves?” Kestrel asked.


            “Exactly.” He said. “That being said. I’m going to go to the park alone, you lot turn up quietly. I don’t want to be hung out without any back up.”


            He turned and left the room his foot falls fading quickly. They looked at him as the doors closed behind him. They then looked at each other, their eyes passing around the room. There was a silence, that wanted to be broken, but no one wanted to be the one to do it. Tommy stood up and looked at his wristwatch.


            “I’ll go after him.” He said. “I think we should only follow one or two at a time. Track the movements of the people before you, we don’t want to get all bunched up in one place.”


            Tommy then walked out, and everyone watched him go. Max didn’t actually say anything; he just got up and walked out of the room. Jack watched as they went and looked at Darrian and Cassimano. They looked back at him and then they all looked at Judy and Sheila.


“I’m gonna just drive around for a bit before going to the park.” Jack said, standing.


“We’d better wait a little while.” Cydrill said. “Other wise we’ll all end up arriving at once.”


            “Right.” Kestrel said.


            He looked around for Lucifer and didn’t see him. She then looked around for the gray man and didn’t see him either. The two of them had slipped away, to go looking for help she hoped. She looked at Marla and Mrs. Pendleton, sitting together, one next to the other. She hoped that she didn’t look like them, like a woman waiting for her man. She didn’t want to be one of the ladies in waiting; she wanted to be one of the fighters. She looked at Cydrill and Peidmont, who were standing together over the map of the city. Cassimano was leaning back, apparently uninterested.  He looked at her and raised his one visible eyebrow.



April 4th, 2003

4:41 p.m.


            The gray man and the archangel entered the apartment together, the angle looking around appreciatively. He had spent the last ten thousand years or so wandering in the waste lands between afterlives. This sort of plush accommodation was, despite literatures, assertions, not usually seen by one such as him.


            “You brought him?” Aphrodite asked as the gray man walked to the bar and poured to glasses of bourbon.


            “Yes I did.” The gray man said.


            “His boss still has a fatwah against him.”


            “I’m fully aware of that.” He said, drinking both glasses and refilling them.


            “Any one seen to be helping…”


            “Can bloody well take the consequences!” He shouted suddenly.


            Lucifer felt the room become very close, if that was the word. As he thought about it, the room didn’t become close; the man in gray just filled it. He was suddenly filling every available inch in the room. There was no air, or furniture; there was just him, and his will. It was as if his will had become a gas that had forced all other gases out. He seemed to have taken something that was under great pressure and let it loose all at once. It had taken over the entire room, and he seemed to know it.


            “You’re a fucking Goddess.” The man in gray clothes said. “You can take on a little bitch like his former colleague can’t you?”


            “There is a lot riding on this.” She said.


            “Precisely the reason why I’m not going to scuttle around any longer. If he hasn’t knocked up somebody soon, the child won’t be born and your plan goes strait to hell. This is not the time to be polite, this is the time to use every resource at our disposal.”


            She thought about that for a while, looking at the man in black and leather. She looked at the cut of his clothes, and the pattern of his dress. He would have been well dressed ten or fifteen years ago, but now he simply didn’t fit. The coat was a little too long, the jeans a little too tight. The boots, well boots should be under ones jeans. A person shouldn’t tuck jeans into the boots in her opinion. She did like him though; she had liked him a lot. Once, long ago, there had been a brief affair. Of course a brief affair with Aphrodite is like saying that once a person drank water, sooner or later it seems everyone has had a sip.


            “Welcome back then Lucifer.” She said. “I think that perhaps he’s right.”


            “I hope so.” Lucifer said. “I truly do.”


            “Do you know how to get an army?” The gray man asked.


            “I know who to ask.” She said.


            “Your niece?”


            “My niece.”


            “How long has it been?”


            “Not that long.” She said. “She’s been thinking she wants to.”


            “You don’t mean.”


            “I do.”


            “Gosh.” He said. “You’ll talk to her?”


            “I’ll talk to her.”


            “Where’s Eoster?”


            “Still searching.”


            “We should help her.” He said.


            “What are you talking about?”


            “Eoster is searching for something important.” The gray man said. “And I think you and I should help.”


April 4th, 2003

4:51 p.m.


            The Weirdo looked at the gray sky as he walked into central park. He had a sword on a belt at his side, a very special sword at that. It was the sword of Arthur, the sword that had come from the lake. Was it the sword that had been thrust into the anvil? It was in a few of the movies, but was it really? He supposed it didn’t matter, that Excalibur was at his side was enough, wasn’t it? It might be, but then maybe not. He reached into his coat and still couldn’t manage to grab hold of the black gun. He would have liked to get hold of the black revolver, but it wouldn’t come. He would just have to deal with this situation with out it for the moment. He had never questioned where it came from, just so long as it came. He had never had it vanish like this and was disturbed by it’s lack of appearance. He rested his left hand on the hilt of Excalibur, and would just have to be reassured by that.


            He looked to his left and saw a small girl, sitting on the ground, in a pretty purple dress. His eyes hurt to look at her, as she was both a small girl and a fully-grown woman. He could see every stage of her development from the age of three till twenty-three, all at once. She was at once a child sitting innocently, licking her ice cream cone with broad childish strokes both hands on the cone. At the same time she was a fully-grown and fully aware woman, flickering her tongue across the ice cream cone in the most provocative way possible, holding the cone with one hand and resting the other on the grass. The Weirdo’s mind managed to fix on a stage though and it was the innocent child. She looked at him when his mind managed to decide what shape she should be.


            “Hi.” She said. “Are you a knight?”


            “I was knighted once.” He said. “But that was a long time ago and that king is dead.”


            “Knighting is for life though.” She said.


            “Yes.” He said. “But he’s been in his grave eight hundred odd years now.”


            “Long time.” The little girl said.


            “There’s gonna be a fight here soon.” He said. “You should probably run along.”


            “Okay.”  The wings were the thin transparent things of an insect, they rattled as she began to fly up into the air. She extended the hand that had the ice cream cone in it. “You can finish my ice cream. It’s courage flavor.”


            “Thanks.” He said and watched as the little fairy girl fluttered away.


            He watched as she went and looked at the ice cream cone, licking at a dribble before it got to his finger. He then licked the ice cream it was indeed courage flavored. He thought that it might help him, but he also thought that it was probably artificial courage flavor made up of cowardice, fear and exhilaration. He had seen quite a few apparently courageous acts that were performed because people were afraid of looking stupid or were too cowardly to just walk away. He would finish the ice cream though, because he could use the extra help.


            He walked into the park, licking the ice cream cone. He passed through one of the more forested parts of the park and came across a large gray stone. It was about two feet high, and nearly four feet across in each direction. What was odd about it was that it was flat, and clean. There was no graffiti on it, and no sign that there ever had been any. That was bizarre enough, but seeing the unicorn made it worse.


            She wasn’t a horse, although there was something like a horse to her. She had long thin legs, much thinner than any horses would ever be. The legs didn’t end on the single horses hoof, but a pair of hooves that made her footfalls looks more like a deer. She had a long swinging tail like that of a lion, though her head was that of an equine. Out of the middle of her head, spiraling like a narwhale’s was a single horn. It was strait and firm, and it looked like a spiraling pearl. The entire beast was brilliantly white, and she approached him.


            “Are you The Weirdo?” She asked, in a voice that sounded like it would rather be speaking Welsh.


            “Yes.” He said. “Are you a unicorn?”

            “I am.” She said.


            There was a moment, where both turned away and then turned back towards each other. The Weirdo went so far as to point a finger in a questioning manner.


            “I thought you were a myth.” They both said together.


            “We’re not going to agree to believe in each other are we?” The Weirdo asked.


            “I don’t think it’s necessary.” She said.


            “Oh good.” He said. “The Carroll references are getting a little thick on the ground.”


            “Do you know where I am?” She asked. “Only a little while ago I was in a field, then I ran into a forest and when I came out the other side I was here.”


            “It’s a city.” He said. “One of the biggest ones there ever was. It’s a place called New York.”


            He laughed for a moment and then seemed to gain control over himself. It was at this moment of triumph that the giggles managed to get in through a back door and take over. They bubbled up out of him like soda pop in a long necked bottle, which you can watch as it rolls towards the top. He giggled and held his hand over his mouth to try and hold back the tide.


            “Something funny?” The Unicorn asked, arching an eyebrow. It’s quite a feat to arch an eyebrow when you don’t actually have one.


            “A Unicorn in New York.” The Weirdo said. “It sounds like a bad fantasy novel. I mean as far as I know such a book doesn’t exist, but it should. I can see the cover of a horse with a horn on it’s head that the publisher thinks in a unicorn standing in central park with all the buildings behind it or maybe in time square.”


            “That’s funny is it?”


            “Oh hilarious.” He said. “Particularly when you consider that A, it will just be a horse and not a proper unicorn and B, they’ll get time square completely wrong. If you’ve never taken a good hard look at the cover art for fantasy paperbacks, this is all meaningless to you. Although the readers will find it very amusing.”


            “Quite.” She said, “Do you know where I could rest my head?”


            “You could try my place.” He said and gave her quick directions on how to get there.


            “Thank you.” She said and turned away, galloping in a way that was very reminiscent of a horse. He could see how they got it wrong; it was just the tail, the hooves and the slimness really. The slimness of the body was what really caught him. It wasn’t a horse, and a modern horse couldn’t possibly fit the role of a unicorn. Their legs and bodies were too thick. As no one had ever ridden a unicorn, they hadn’t developed the thick legs and backs that horses did. This was a completely different creature altogether.


            “Well,” He said to himself once she had gone. “Now they can at least put a unicorn on the cover of this book. That should boot sales when it comes out in paperback.”

© 2014 Autumn Knight Productions

May 4, 2014 - Posted by | Fiction | ,

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